


Torn in Two [Leonardo x Reader x Raphael]

by UltraPixelTurtle



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Might not, Protective Leonardo (TMNT), Protective Raphael (TMNT), Reader-Insert, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Slow Burn, might get 2 endings??, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltraPixelTurtle/pseuds/UltraPixelTurtle
Summary: [Takes Place A Few Years After "Out of the Shadows"](Y/N) (L/N) lives in a practically abandoned apartment building in the Meatpacking District, New York. Her main way of getting food is stealing it, she has a pretty tragic backstory like any good protagonist and her best friend is a rich girl with issues. However, there is one thing that makes her stand out a little more than everyone else in New York; she's friends with giant mutant turtles.[WARNING! This fic contains mentions/thoughts/attempts of suicide, cutting, abuse and depression. I highly recommend that you DO NOT read this fic if you are sensitive or easily triggered by any of these themes!]
Relationships: Leonardo (TMNT)/Reader, Raphael (TMNT)/Reader
Comments: 22
Kudos: 87





	1. Mighty Turtle Lord

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING! This fic contains mentions/thoughts/attempts of suicide, self harm, abuse and depression. I highly recommend that you DO NOT read this fic if you are sensitive or easily triggered by any of these themes!

“(Y/N) I think you need to make better life choices.”

“What do you mean?” You asked panting, watching your best friend Abigail laugh and clutch the stolen goods close to her chest. You smirked and lightly punched her arm, as the two of you went inside your apartment. With sloppy movements you threw the food you had stolen on the table, and Abigail fell onto the couch with a dragged out sigh.

“I thought we’d get caught for real this time.” She giggled, her voice strained from the running.

“Please, the day I get caught is the day I die.”

“That means the day of your doom must be close.” She said teasingly, turning her head to look at you. You grimaced and threw a bag of Cheetos on her, to which her response was to pick the bag up and throw it back at you. Dodging the bag by an inch, you stuck out your tounge at Abi.

“Ah c'mon Abi don’t be mad.”

"Hey you threw it first." She huffed, pouting jokingly.

"And I'll do it again." You said with mock anger as you backed up to your window. "So don't push your luck."

"Oh shit I better shape up."

"Damn straight."

You and Abigail shared a quiet laugh, as you opened the window and pulled out your pack of cigarettes. There was a short silence, before Abi stretched and stood up from the couch. 

“I’m guessing it’s time for you to go home?” You asked, cigarette smoke escaping from your mouth as you spoke.

“Well you know how my mom is. It’s bad enough she knows I’m hanging out with you, I don’t need to be scolded for being out to late too.” She muttered with a frown. You let out a low chuckle.

“She must really hate me.”

“Nah, she just thinks you’re a bad influence on me.”

“The worst.”

“Totally.” She said with a smile, and you gave her one in return. Abigail and you were very different. She lived in the more fancy part of New York. Though you weren’t exactly sure where, as you had only been there a few times. You on the other hand, lived in the Meatpacking District, Manhattan. One of the places in New York with the highest crime rate. She had money, you did not. She had a loving family, you didn’t. All you had in terms of a social circle was Abi, as well as one other person, who more or less was your best friend as well.

The sound of Abigail clearing her throat cut you off from your train of thought.

“(Y/N)?”

“Huh? Oh sorry. I spaced out.” You mumbled as you put out the cigarette on the windowsill. With an amused huff and roll of her eyes, Abi began moving towards the door, and you followed. She gave you a quick hug before leaving, and you closed the door behind her, immediately walking over to your couch afterwards. Dropping onto the couch, you kicked off your shoes and placed your right arm over your forehead, feeling a headache creeping up on you.

Just as you were about to fall asleep, you heard a low thud by the window you’d left open. You let out a loud sigh.

“Well that wasn’t the welcome I expected.”

“Go away Leo I'm tired.” You muttered. You heard him chuckle and you couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his laugh.

"Is it too much to ask for some enthusiasm?" He said in mock hurt. With a click of your tounge you opened your eyes, and sat up to face him.

“You want enthusiasm? I'll give you enthusiasm." You said and stood up. First you bowed, and then you cleared your throat, before dramatically exclaiming; “Oh my, what ever have I done to be blessed with your presence, oh great Leonardo, the Mighty Turtle Lord?”

Leo looked at you with an expression that could only be interpreted as him trying not to burst out laughing. But you weren't satisfied. Oh no, far from it. He wanted _enthusiasm_.

"What does my lord desire this wonderful evening? Perhaps you would enjoy the finest wine our establishment could ever offer, accompanied with an appetizer?" You suggested with a pompous tone, gesturing to the bag of Cheetos and a can of Red Bull. This seemed to drag Leo out of his giggly mood, but you didn't notice, and continued with a lewd tone to your voice; "Or perhaps... you would like some one on one _entertainment_."

"(Y/N)."

"What I'm just kidding." You said with a laugh, your face a bit flushed. Leo pursed his lips.

“I thought I told you I would bring you something to eat.”

"Oh." Was all you said. You looked over at what you had snatched from the convenience store.

“Leo it’s a bag of Cheetos and a few energy drinks. I don’t think the store will miss ‘em.” You said nonchalantly, crossing your arms. He hummed disapprovingly at this and you rolled your eyes. “Whatever… I promise I’ll wait until you get me food the next time I run out."

"Yeah well it's not just that. You need to have a well-rounded diet. You can't live off junk food." Leo pointed out, and handed you the plastic bag he was holding, which you had somehow failed to notice until now. You grabbed it and looked inside. Some ramen noodles, milk, bread, eggs, vegetables and butter. You hummed and went over to your kitchen, putting the milk and eggs in your mini fridge. The lamp hanging from the ceiling kept flimmering, making it hard to make out what was in the rest of the room. The building you lived in was old and run down. Practically abandoned. The only reason you had electricity was becuase the electric company still hadn’t cut it off. You didn’t know why. Maybe they forgot, or the building was running on some old generator. You didn't care either way, since you were lucky there actually was power. You weren’t sure how long you’d last if it disappeared. Although your apartment would actually go black on occassion, mostly during storms and heatwaves, and nothing would work. Sometimes the heat would go away too. Those days were the worst. You could live without your kitchen and tv for a day or two, but without heat this place became an icebox, even during summer nights.

You put the rest of the food in a cabinet and went back out in the living room. Leo had placed himself on the couch, and was looking through a book that had been lying on your table. It was called 'How to smile’, and it was some kind of help yourself get out of depression book you’d gotten from Abi a few days ago. You still hadn’t opened it. You’d only read the back, which was enough for you to decide it was total bullshit. Leo however, seemed very engaged, as he flipped a page and stared into the text.

“Having fun?”

“Huh? Oh sorry. Haven’t seen this one before, did Abigail give it to you?”

“Yeah. I dunno what she wants me to do with.” You said sarcastically. Leo raised an eyebrow at you, and put the book down. Walking past him, you picked up two energy drinks and held one out to Leo, but he just shook his head, his face displaying a concerned look. You sat down on the floor and leaned against the couch, opening the can and taking a sip.

“How’s it going with… your problems?”

Fuck. You were hoping you could avoid a therapy session today.

“Fine.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Leo, I’m fine. I haven’t killed myself yet have I?” You joked, but Leo didn't laugh. You let out a sigh, and traced your finger along the rim of the can.

“I… cut myself yesterday.” You muttered. You heard Leo take a deep breath.

“Okay… why?”

“The usual. Overwhelming anxiety." You said nochalantly. You wanted to avoid these conversations at any cost. You didn’t like talking about your problems, but ever since Leo found out about your depression, he wanted to have these little talks every once in a while. 

You looked up at Leo, who now was leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped together. You stood up from your spot and plopped down next to him, bumping his arm lightly with your body.

“I promise I’m fine. If I’m not I’ll tell you okay?” You smiled. He did as well. The two of you switched conversation topic, talked for about an hour, and then he left. Not wanting to stay awake, you sprawled you body out over the couch, and closed your eyes.


	2. A Surprise

_"In other news; Foot Clan activity has decreased drastically in these last few months..."_

You glanced at the small TV at the mention of the Foot Clan. A big majority of the city's people have had some kind of real life involvement with them. Whether it was terror attacks or hostage situations. Leo talked about them sometimes, but he mostly avoided speaking about his crime fighting. Said it wasn't what he wanted to talk about. Speaking of Leo, it had been a few days since his visit. He'd been forced to keep a distance since his family was getting suspicious of his little trips. He never really went outside his home alone before, so the sudden switch made everyone a little cautious. Abigail hadn't visited you a lot either, and you were starting to get lonely. You leaned back into your couch and groaned. The sun was setting outside, letting an orange and yellow glow fill your apartment. You picked up your phone that Abigail had given you, and decided to send Leo a text. You rarely, if ever, called him since the risk of someone hearing him talk on the phone was too big.

(Y/N): 18:30  
Yo

Lameonardo: 18:35  
Hey

(Y/N): 18:35  
You busy?

Lameonardo: 18:36  
I'm going out on patrol with the others soon. Why?

(Y/N): 18:38  
I'm bored as fuck

(Y/N): 18:38  
And lonely. Please help

Lameonardo: 18:38  
What about your friend?

(Y/N): 18:39  
Her mom's making her stay home tonight

Lameonardo: 18:40  
I don't know (Y/N). I'll text you in case I can stop by later

You decided not to answer him, as that sentence usually meant; 'I want to but I can't'. You threw your phone aside and got up from the couch, deciding to go for a walk. You hadn't left your apartment in days and you could certainly use some fresh air. You only ever opened you windows when you had to take a smoke. You groaned silently at the thought of smoking. You hadn't managed to get a new pack of cigarettes yet and it was making you a lot more irritable than usual. Not that you were that hard to vex in the first place.

You threw on your favourite hoodie and headed outside, hoping to maybe get some candy bars or energy drinks while you were out as well.

It was crazy how fast it got dark. It had only been about forty minutes since the sun had been out, letting a golden cloak sweep over New York. You enjoyed the view it brought, but nighttime was better. Sure the city could be... unsettling when it was dark out, but it was better than daytime.

You shoved your hands in your pockets as you kept walking, turning your head to look at the passing cars. Making your way to a more secluded area, you saw that there was only one store there, and decided to go for it. Better to try a new place than the last one you were at. You knew from experience that being in the same neighbourhood more than once in the span of two weeks was stupid. You learned that the hard way. Altering between remote and crowded areas was also important. In neighbourhoods were not may people lived it was easy being recognized, but getting away was a breeze. In more populated places it was easier getting caught, but it would be harder to remember your face if you got away. Every steal needed to be carefully executed, and all variables had to be included. Cops, cashiers with guns and overconfident people who wanted to play the hero was just a few of many things. You were a pro at this. It bugged Leo tremendously. You always laughed at his annoyance. You told him that if you could change you would, but this was a part of your everyday life, whether he liked it or not.

As you went inside the store a bell rang, and you scanned the small area. Inside there was only two people besides you and the cashier. A girl about your age, and an old woman. The cashier himself was a scrawny looking guy with long greasy hair and a beyond worn out baseball cap. When you noticed that he was looking at you, you straightened your posture, flashed him a small smile and began pacing around the store. You'd have to wait until he left the counter to grab a pack of cigarettes, but getting energy drinks and something small to eat should be easy enough.

You swiftly grabbed a Twix bar and a Red Bull, slipping them inside your pockets. You were pretty sure they were portals to another dimension or something. You could put whatever in there and there was still room for more.

You made sure not to look to suspcious as you went further into the store, keeping your head low. Most people didn't browse around just to look at food. You continued to glance over at the cashier. Truth be told you had everything you needed, but you _really_ wanted those cigarettes. Eventually both the old lady and the girl went to pay, and left the store. The cashier nodded as they walked out. He was eerie in a way. He had this dead look in his eyes. You guessed the cause was lack of sleep. Or because he simply felt dead inside. Either way it was creepy.

After some time you started to get annoyed at the fact that he didn't leave the cash register. You walked a little closer, and you noticed that he flinched. Like he'd forgotten that you were still there. He blinked tiredly.

"Uh... can I help you miss? You've been here for fifteen minutes without getting anything." He mumbled, and you went up to the counter, putting your palms on the surface and leaning forward. You made sure to smile as well, just for good measure.

"Yeah... I'm in need of some cigarettes."

"What brand?"

"Winston. Red." You said, biting your lip. This was hopeless. No way you'd be able to get them without getting into some serious trouble. By this time he'd already registered your face. The boy pulled out a pack, scanned it and placed it on the counter.

"That'll be seven dollars." He said in the most monotone voice you'd ever heard. You let out a nervous laugh.

"Uhm well... here's the thing... I don't have any money on me right now..." You tried. He squinted at you, and you were surprised that he showed any other emotion than bored.

"Sorry, no money no smoke."

"Ah you see... I get that, but... wouldn't it feel nice to give me them out of kindness?"

"No." He deadpanned. You huffed. He picked up the pack and put it back where he took it. You clenched your jaw. You weren't getting anywhere with this. You decided to leave, and gave the guy an icy glare as you walked out the door.

As you were walking back home, you pulled out the Red Bull from your pocket and opened the can. Might as well celebrate the fact that the night wasn't a total flop, even if you didn't get the cigarettes. If Abi had been there you'd surely gotten them without paying. She this natural charm and pleasant aura around her. And she had more patience than you. The best qualities for seduction.

You took a slurp of the energy drink, and made a turn into an alleway, ignoring the risks of taking this path. Nasty people hung out here, but you were tired and wanted to take a shortcut to get home. As you kept walking, the sound of people ahead of you became stronger. You shrugged it off rather quickly. Gang fights were common in this area. If you passed by carefully, they'd leave you alone. Despite rumors about them, thugs didn't normally jump on whoever was passing by. Only the psychos did that. Most of the time they only attacked people from rival gangs or people who owed them something. Favors, money, you name it.

After a while though, you sensed that something was off. You heard the clashing of blades. Not knives, but _blades_ , like swords. You chugged the last of your drink and threw the can away, quickly making your way behind a corner. You peered around it to make sure you'd be able to pass without any trouble. You didn't have much time to consider your options though. You let out an audible gasp at the sight. Your heart started to beat rapidly in your chest. This wasn't a gang fight. Your body froze. You didn't dare to move. All you did was whisper.

"Leo...?"


	3. A New Home

You looked with big eyes as you saw your friend battle members of the Foot Clan with his brothers. You'd never seen his brothers before. They were all about their older brother's size. A little shorter. Except for the one wearing red. Raphael, if you remembered right. He was possibly a few inches taller than Leo. You mentally slapped yourself. This wasn't the time to compare heights.

You looked around. You'd be able to escape if you ran right at this moment. You nodded to yourself and turned around. But of course, faith didn't want you to get away so easily. Immediately you bumped into someone, who grabbed you and forcefully pulled you out where everyone could see you.

"If you don't hand over what you have stolen, I'll kill her!" The Foot member called out. You felt panic rise in your chest, and you started hyperventilating. The brothers seized their fighting almost immediately, and so did the other Foot Clan members. Though everyone was still on their guard. Your eyes met Leo's, and you could see the horror in his eyes. The ninja holding you brought his katana to your throat. Without thinking too much about the consequenses of what you were about to do, you started crying, looked Leo straight in the eyes and called out for him. Though it was more of a whimper.

"L-Leo..." The tears streamed down your face and a few looks of confusion mixed with dread were exchanged between his brothers. But all you could see in Leo's face was fear. He drew his swords, the most terrifying look taking over his face.

"Let her go."

"Give back what you have stolen, or I'll kill her." The ninja repeated. Your lips formed into a thin line, and your panic made you let out a nervous laugh.

"I-it's okay Leo. Whatever it is that you took... don't give it back because of me. You know I've been postponing this anyways heh..." You croaked, and Leo shook his head furiously.

"Donnie give me the USB drive!"

"Leo we need to think this through! We-"

"Now Donnie!" He yelled. His brother quickly handed him a flashdrive, and looked at you with a bewildered face. Leo handed the flashdrive to one of the ninjas. He gave the clan member who was holding you a stern look.

"There. Now give her to us." He demanded. The ninja didn't answer. You felt him move the blade up to your face. You closed your eyes, waiting for the pain. But it never came. The ninja pushed you right into Leo's arms. You'd never been so happy to be near him. You breathed heavily, and leaned into his plastron as much as you could.

The Foot Clan members ran off, clearly pleased by this turnout. You breathed in sharply, your heart still in your throat. You felt Leo's arms wrap around you tight. You began to sob, and Leo soothed you, rubbing your back slowly.

"Sorry..." He whispered.

"Heh... you're sorry? Whatever I made you give up was clearly important. I'm the one who should be sorry." You whispered back, tears streaming down your face. You felt him smile, though it was probably more out of relief than amusement. Suddenly one of his brothers piped up.

"Uhm... Leo do you want to tell us what's going on?"

Leonardo turned to look at his purple clad brother. You knew he'd get in trouble for this. You knew you'd get in trouble for this. He pulled you in a little closer, if that was even possible, and exchanged a few looks with his brothers. 

"This is... this is (Y/N). She's... a friend of mine." Leo slowly began as he gently started letting go of you. He still kept an arm around your body, just to make sure you wouldn't fall over. 

With glossy eyes you looked up at his brothers. Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael. The three had very different expressions on their faces. Michelangelo's facial expression was a mix between amazement and confusion, Donatello looked kind of anxious and Raphael just... well he just seemed pissed. You couldn't tell if he was feeling like that or if it was just a default expression.

As you studied his brothers one by one, Raphael's scowl gradually became a mocking smirk.

"Jeez, to think the perfect Leonardo would hide something like this. Gotta' say I'm impressed bro." He taunted. Leo did not look impressed.

"Look Raph, this is serious alright? None of you can tell sensei about this. Or April, or Casey. (Y/N) doesn't really need to be dragged into anything else."

Donatello fiddled with his fingers. "But Leo... we have to tell Splinter about this. It's... I mean... we..." He began to ramble when he couldn't find the right words. After a few moments he took a deep breath and tried again. "I think... she'll be in bigger danger if we don't inform sensei."

The brothers began bickering about what they should do. Leo got so distracted by the argument that he let you go, and you just deadpanned at the group. Eventually you cleared your throat, making your presence known.

"Excuse me but I'd like to think I have a say in this." You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow. Their voices died down and they all looked at you. You huffed.

"Okay clearly we're not getting anywhere if the four of you keep fighting like this. Now, I don't have any interest in going back to my place right now because a member of the fucking Foot Clan _did_ just put a knife to my throat. So, I think I'll be going back with you. Might as well get it over with since it seems it's unavoidable." You finished, shooting Leo a glance. He sighed.

"Alright... if it's what you want."

***

After arriving at their lair, Splinter had not been holding back with the scolding. He was quite nice towards you, understanding that it wasn't your fault, but he wasn't as gentle towards his sons. Of course, Leonardo got the worst of it. Splinter had taken him into a different room to speak to him in privacy about the situation. Meanwhile, you had been left alone with the rest of his family. The four of you were currently sitting in what you assumed was an area that was supposed to function as a living room of sorts. You tried to avoid eye contact with the brothers. This whole situation was awkward. Extremely awkward. Just like you were avoiding looking at him, Donatello was avoiding looking at you. Michelangelo on the other hand wouldn't stop staring at you. He hadn't said anything to you either so after a while it was just creepy. Raphael was also looking at you, but not nearly as intensively as his younger brother

After a while you became frustrated with the silence, and decided to break the ice.

"Welp... since I'm a guest and a friend of Leo's I guess it would be rude not to introduce myself. Hello, I'm (Y/N)." You said, sounding more confident than you expected you would. You honestly thought your voice would crack given how nervous you actually were.

Michelangelo's eyes lit up and he smiled brightly at you.

"Michelangelo! But everyone calls me Mikey."

The orange clad turtle stretched out his three-fingered hand and you gladly accepted it. It was relieving to see that at least one of them was willing to talk to you. Mikey turned to his brothers, motioning for them to also introduce themselves. You already knew their names, but at least introductions would keep the tense silence away.

Donatello moved his glasses a bit and hesitated before gently taking your hand. His shake was a lot more careful than Mikey's who's hand had bounced up and down rapidly.

"Donatello. You can call me Donnie if you want." He murmured with small smile on his lips. You nodded as if to give him some confirmation, and glanced at Raphael, who didn't seem all that interested in telling you his name. Mikey nudged his older brother with his elbow.

"Dude don't be rude."

Raphael grumbled quietly at his brother who quickly retracted his arm. However he seemed to cave, as he let out a sigh and gave you a short nod.

"Raphael. Raph for short."

After the presentations things went a bit smoother. You and Mikey began talking, Donnie eventually joining. Raph was quiet for the most part but didn't seem as irritated as he was earlier. 

While you waited for Leo to come back Mikey had gone to get you all some soda. Donnie said it would probably take a while. Their sensei's scolding sessions could go on for quite some time. You didn't mind though, now that there wasn't a super weird tension in the room anymore. Soon enough Mikey came back into the room and handed you a coca cola, and as you opened it and took the first sip, Donnie asked you how you and Leo had met in the first place. You put the can down on the table and let out a quiet laugh.

"Ah... well there isn't that much to tell. We ran into one another a few times too many and just... started hanging out I guess." You shrugged. It actually was a pretty funny story, how you and Leo met that is. He'd been alone on patrol, and you were out and about doing your own thing. In other words; running from the cops. As you ran, Leo had spotted you and thought you were in danger so he 'rescued' you. You weren't supposed to see him in all his glory, but you did, and you had gone into shock, then you screamed, then you went back to shock. After a while Leo had managed to calm you down. He was kind of menacing at first, going on about you having to keep your little meeting a secret. After that he ran off. But, it didn't take long before you ran into each other again, and again, and again. Every time you met, you talked a bit more and you grew closer. Eventually, you and Leo started to have meetups simply because you wanted to see each other.

"Aw... I wish I had a human friend..." Mikey pouted, earning a deadpan look from Donnie.

"Mikey you have _two_ human friends. Casey and April."

"Oh, right..." He said with an aloof tone, and you couldn't help but snicker. Donnie shook his head before turning his attention back to you.

"So (Y/N), where do you live?"

"The Meatpacking District." You said with a shrug.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah." You dragged your fingers through your hair. "Guess you guys spend a lot of time there?"

"Yeah! There's always punks to fight there!" Mikey raised a fist in the air. "Especially in this one area where there's like tons of abandoned apartment buildings."

Donnie nodded. "Yeah. Not too much Foot Clan activity, but a lot of drug dealing and gang fights. But I guess you're used to being exposed to it?"

"Yeah. But I don't have first hand experience or anything."

"Where exactly do you live in the Meatpacking district (Y/N)? Maybe we've been there? Well y'know, Leo has but the rest of us I mean!" Mikey exclaimed. You hummed and rubbed the back of your neck.

"I actually live in the area with the abandoned apartment buildings."

Mikey's eyes went round. Raph and Donnie exchanged a look. You knew that they knew that your area was one of the most dangerous ones in New York. Not the ideal place for someone like you to live in. Or anyone for that matter. Donnie pushed his glasses a bit.

"Hmm... well I guess living there might not be as bad if you have your family!" He tried. Ouch. You knew he meant well. You knew he couldn't possibly know. You pursed your lips. Your silence was enough for the three of them to understand that, no, you didn't have a family to take care of you.

Raph punched his brother in the arm.

"Dumbass."

"Wha- I just... (Y/N) I'm sorry..."

"Nah you don't have to feel sorry. You didn't know." You said with a forced smile. The tension came back, and the awkward silence began again. Luckily, it didn't last very long, as a door opened and both Leo and Splinter became visible. Raph, Mikey and Donnie all stood from their seats, and you decided to follow their lead. Splinter walked up to you, narrowing his eyes slightly before letting them relax.

"Well (Y/N)... I don't think I can force you or Leonardo to not be friends anymore. You seem quite attatched to each other." He started. "However, because of what has happened tonight, I would like for you to stay here. At least for one week. The Foot Clan's leader, Shredder, will be informed of your existence. That will pose a very real threat to you. Being our friend has it's perks, but it also creates just as many problems. I can assure you of that." He placed a bony hand on your shoulder. "Leonardo will return to your home to get you what you need. I hope this doesn't cause you too much trouble."

You shook your head. He nodded and smiled warmly at you. 

"Good. I hope you will enjoy your stay with us."


	4. An Interesting Morning

Leo had returned to your apartment to get you some extra clothes and your phone that you'd left behind. In the meantime, you had been given a private tour around the lair by Mikey. You liked him. He was really funny, and had this goofy charm that screamed younger brother to you.  
As you made your way back into the living room, you saw Leo holding one of your bags. You walked up to him and took it.

"Thanks." You put the bag on the floor and sighed. "So, where am I gonna' sleep?"

Leo's eyes went round. "Uh... well we don't really have any extra rooms, so I guess the couch? If that's okay with you that is!" He quickly added at the end. You shrugged,

"I sleep on a couch everyday so no I don't mind." You emitted. Mikey peaked around his brother to look at you.

"You don't have a bed?" He asked.

You shrugged and picked up your jacket which had been thrown on top of the couch. You pulled out the Twix you had stolen a couple of hours earlier and sat down. Leo raised an eyebrow at you. You opened the wrap and took a bite before responding to his silent question.

"What? I gotta' get something to eat somehow don't I?"

"What about the things I brought you?"

"You know I have a sweet tooth."

Leo sighed. "Well, you don't have to steal when you're living with us okay?" He put a hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him and stuck out your tounge.

"Okay dad." You leaned back into the couch and put the can on the floor. Leo sat down beside you and the two of you watched as Mikey and Raph began playing a video game. As the minutes passed by, you felt your eyelids getting heavier, and eventually you fell asleep on Leo's shoulder.

***

You woke up the next day, all alone in the living room with a blanket on top of you. You picked up your phone and looked at the time. It was early. Only six in the morning. The lair was silent, and only the faint sound of dripping water could be heard. You wondered how the hell they managed to make a home out of this place. Not that you didn't like it. To be honest you thought it looked better than your apartment in a lot of ways. Somehow it had more of a "home sweet home" vibe, despite it being in the sewers. It probably had to do with the fact that a family lived here, and not just one person.   
Your train of thought was interrupted when you heard footsteps coming closer. You carefully pulled the blanket up to your face, and stayed still. The steps were heavy, almost aggressive. You saw a figure walk past you and into what you assumed was some sort of kitchen. Your stomach growled. You groaned and sat up, the hunger being to overwhelming. Hopefully the one who was in there was Leo.   
You stood up and quietly made your way to the other room. You stopped in the doorway and tensed up a little. You stayed there for a while, a little unsure whether you should go inside or not.

"Yer' just gonna' stand there?" The gruff voice made you snap you out of your trance. You leaned against the doorframe and shrugged.

"Dunno. It's pretty comfy." You responded. He didn't say anything back, but he smirked. You pursed your mouth, deciding to look for food.

"You got anything to eat here?" You asked as you opened a cabinet. He didn't respond. You rolled your eyes at him. Leo had talked about Raph a lot. You'd heard many good things, but a lot of bad things too. Well, as bad as it gets from a truly loving brother.  
You made a happy sound as you found a box of Lucky Charms. You took the box out of the cabinet and shoved your hand in it, stuffing your mouth with cereals and marshmallows. Raph raised his eyebrow at you, taking a bite out of his toast. You shrugged and shot him a smile, swallowing the goods. The two of you continued to munch on your food in silence. You glanced up at him. He had a scar on his upper lip, and his facial features were a lot more defined than his brothers. And he had bigger muscles.

Raphael ate the last of his toast and squinted at you. "What are ya' looking at me for?"

"Wha- uh excuse me I wasn't looking at you I was looking at the..." You frantically searched the room, but found nothing that could save you. You sighed in defeat and put the cereal box down, crossing your arms after doing so.

"Fine, yes I was looking at you." You muttered. "But don't get the wrong idea!"

"And what's the wrong idea?"

"I don't know you tell me." You grinned. Raph's lips twitched slightly, and you could tell he tried not to smirk. You fiddled with the hem of your shirt and looked up at him with observing eyes.

"So... how about me living with you guys huh?" You laughed, trying to keep the conversation going.  
Raph snorted. You nibbled on your bottom lip.

"What am I supposed to take from that response?" You asked, a little confused. He looked at you and huffed.

"I don't mind it, if that's what yer' asking."

"You don't... think it's weird that a stranger is going to sleep in your home for a week?" You asked, legitimally curious. Raph was quiet for a while. He seemed a bit torn on the matter, rubbing his neck tiredly.

"Look, as long as ya' don't get in all my business I won't mind having ya' here." His voice was grumpy, but he sounded genuine, which was a relief to you. The minutes passed by, the two of you standing in silence. It wasn't necessarily an awkward silence, just slightly tense. 

Raph cleared his throat. "Anyways, I'm gonna head back to my room." He announced quickly before leaving the kitchen in a hurry. You smiled to yourself. Sure he was a little rough around the edges, and despite barely talking to him the night before, it felt like you'd still gotten of to a decent start.  
You grabbed the box of Lucky Charms and went back to the living room, sinking into the couch. You searched for the tv remote, eventually finding it and turning on the news.

_"Good morning New York---"_

You watched with mild interest as the news anchor did some sort of fluff story to fill the morning hours. You stuffed some more marshmallows in your mouth and leaned back.

"Hey."

You turned around at the sound of the voice and grinned. "Mooooorning."

"Did you sleep well?" Leo asked, tiredness laced in his voice. You nodded and shoved more Lucky Charms in your mouth. He chuckled and sat down next to you. You held out the box, and he grabbed some cereals. After a few moments of comfortable silence you let out a long sigh, and Leo turned his head.

"You okay?"

You put away the cereal box. "I guess."

"Are you sure about that?"

You nodded. "Yeah. Wish you hadn't left me out here alone last night though." You pressed your lips together, a flush appearing on your face. _'Fuck where did that come from?'_

Leo's eyes widened and he snapped his head forward to focus on the tv instead of you. You were quiet for a while, and you stole a few glances only to see that Leo's face was darkening. You took a deep breath and cleared your throat.

"You know 'cuz this place is kinda' dark and scary! It was a dick move to leave me alone!" You laughed nervously and punched him playfully in the arm. He smiled, though it was clearly only to lighten the mood. You returned it and tried to make your blush go away. You fiddled with your fingers, debating on what to say next.

"...So what are the plans for the day?"

Leo's eyebrows knitted together. "Plans?"

"Dude I'm supposed to be down here for a week. I'm gonna need something to do." Your voice had such a 'duh' sound attatched to it that you almost laughed at yourself. Leo looked a little bewildered for a second.

"Uh right... I didn't really think about that... well maybe you can watch us train. We're supposed to get started in an hour."

"Is that why you and Raph are up and running so early?"

"Raph is up?"

"Oh, well he went back to his room, but we talked in the kitchen earlier. You came out like ten minutes after he left." You said with a shrug. Leo hummed.

"What did you talk about?"

"What's it to you?" You gave Leo a smirk, and he rolled his eyes at you.

"Alright alright." He smiled and let his gaze travel back to the tv. Your mouth twitched when the news anchor began talking about the increase in gang related crime in the Meatpacking District. It wasn't news to you, but it made you all the happier that you had a safe place to spend a few nights at.

Your mouth curved into a small smile. "Fine, I'll watch you guys train."

"Really?!" An excited voice boomed in the lair. Mikey ran up and bent over the back of the couch, a wide grin plastered on his face. You laughed.

"Yeah. I won't have anything better to do anyways."

"You won't have anything better to do than watching Mikey getting his shit handed to him?" Raphael taunted. Mikey pouted.

"Dude, not cool!"

You snorted and gave Mikey a reassuring smile. He beamed at you, clearly appreciating your support. Leo stood up from his seat and crossed his arms.

"Let's not waste any time, get something to eat and then head straight to the dojo."

"Where's Donnie?" You looked around for the purple clad turtle who still hadn't showed up. You suddenly heard an extremely exhausted voice behind you.

"I'm here..." He mumbled, glasses slanting and dark circles under his eyes. "I need coffee..."

"Geez Don, how long did you stay up last night?" Mikey examined his brother. Donnie shrugged.

"I fell asleep on my desk, so... late?" He rubbed one of his eyes, looking like a little kid. Leo shook his head.

"You need something to eat."

"I need coffee." Donnie repeated. You crossed your arms and chuckled.

"Well, I've only had Lucky Charms so I'd like some real food."

***

After getting some real breakfast and having a pleasant morning chit chat, that Splinter joined in on, you went to the dojo. You had been given a mat to sit on, and you were currently looking at the brothers from a corner of the room. Leo had asked you to not sit to close, as he didn't want you to accidentaly get a nunchuck or sai in the head.

Honestly you thought the first fifty minutes was kind of fun to watch. They had started with some stretching, that had seemed to make them (with the exception of Mikey) somewhat uncomfortable. You thought that maybe they weren't used to being watched by anyone but their sensei. So you decided to join them during the stretching session. You tried to make the best of the situation and cracked jokes. Mikey had joined you, much to the annoyance of Raph. The first ten minutes ended with you and the youngest brother howling with laughter. You were so grateful that he did the best he could to make you feel happy and welcomed. You'd only just met him, but you already felt so attatched to the guy.  
After that you went back to your spot on the mat, and watched the four begin their training for real. They did some weapon technique training, where they sometimes switched weapons to get a feel for something else.  
When they had been doing that for a while they switched to sparring. At first it was intriguing, watching them clash their weapons and kicking ass. Leo and Raph were better than their younger brothers in a lot of ways, so you made sure to cheer on Mikey and Donnie for the most part. After a while though you got kind of bored.

You were laying on your back, sighing. The guys had taken a break, and were sitting in the corner with you. Leo was going through some new exercise he wanted to try. You weren't listening to their conversation though. You checked your phone, only to see that Abigail had called you. Six times. You sat up, a little distressed. She was usually in class at this hour. You pressed your lips together into a tight line, eyebrows knitted together. Leo's eyes shifted and focused on you.

"(Y/N)? Is something wrong?"

"I don't know. Maybe..." You mumbled, standing up. "I'll uh... I-I'll be right back..." You pressed Abi's number and put your phone up to your ear, walking away from the group on the floor.

"C'mon Abi pick up..." You muttered. It didn't take long before you heard someone pick up. The first sound that could be heard, was Abigail literally screaming your name into the phone.

 **"(Y/N)!"** Abigail shrilled. Her voice was shaky and she was crying. You felt your heartrate pick up.

"Abi are you okay?! What's going on?" The panic laced in your voice caught the brothers attention, and Leo got to his feet alarmed by your tone.

 **"T-thank god..."** Abigail's voice croaked. You could hear her crying becoming more violent. You shushed into the phone, trying to calm her down.

"Abi, what's wrong?"

 **"I-I was so worried a-about y-you!"** She coughed, choking on her tears. **"I w-went by your apartment last night, a-and you weren't- you weren't there... and I t-thought that maybe y-you were out and would come back in the morning... but you weren't there when I came by earlier and I-"** Abigail let out a sob. **"I'm so fucking worried! You didn't return my calls! Where are you?!"**

Your breathing was heavy. You weren't surprised that Abi was worried, despite you not being gone for very long. Once you were missing for fourteen days because you had ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt. Since Abigail wasn't your family she was not informed of your situation and was therefore left in the dark. Once she found out she had demanded that her parents payed your hospital bill, which her mom was not happy about.  
You let out a shaky breath. How were you going to explain your situation?

"Uhm... it's a little hard to explain..."

**"It's hard to explain? (Y/N) I want to know where you are and when you'll get home."**

"I uh... you know that friend of mine? Leo?" You asked carefully as you glanced at him.

**"What about him? Did he hurt you?!"**

"N-no he didn't hurt me!" You put a hand on your forehead. "I just... well we ended up in a twisty situation with some Foot Clan members and-"

**"The Foot Clan?! (Y/N) what the hell did you do?!"**

"Nothing! I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time that's all!" You sighed and dragged your fingers through your hair. "Anyways... for my safety he brought me back to his place. I'm with his family right now. I didn't get hurt and I'm..." You turned to Leo and gave away a small smile. "...I'm in safe hands."

Abigail was quiet for a moment, before you heard a long sigh. You shut your eyes. You knew this was hurting her.

**"Why don't you come to my place? It would feel better to have you here."**

"Do you really think your parents would let me live with you?" You asked. Abigail got quiet for a moment.

**"No... probably not..."**

"Right, so I think it's better if I stay here for now."

**"Well, can I come see you? I just want to make sure you're okay."**

"The situation is complicated and... I can't... see you right now. I don't know when I'll get home and I don't know when I can see you."

**"You expect me to just... be okay with this?"**

"No, but I need you to be. I'll be alright, I promise."

**"...okay. But you have to promise that you'll at least text me everyday!"**

You smiled softly. "I promise."

 **"Alright... I love you okay?"** She whispered.

"Yeah, love you too..." You whispered back, before the two of you hung up.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You turned to the brothers, and plastered a big smile on your face.

"Why are you just sitting there? Aren't you supposed to be training?"


	5. Tension

After the intense phone call from Abi, you weren't really in the mood for watching the rest of the brothers workout. You told Leo you wanted some time alone, and he suggested you hang out in his room to get an enviroment change. It didn't take long for you to agree. 

"Where's your room at?"

"After you step out of the dojo, it's down the hall and then the first door to the left. I'll come get you when we're done here." Leo said softly and patted your shoulder. You smiled.

"Alright..." You mumbled as you exited the dojo.

Just as you were about to take a turn down the hallway, you cast a glance towards the kitchen. You clenched your fists as you felt the familiar uneasy feeling rise in the pit of your stomach. Granted, this feeling had gotten worse during the past week, but the phonecall from Abigail really pushed you over the edge. You weren't sure why, but it did.  
You breathed in sharply as you began walking towards the kitchen.

***

"So what was that all about?" Mikey asked, turning to his older brother. Leo pursed his lips.

"(Y/N)'s friend called her."

"She sure seemed upset about it." Raph noted. "It was like she was on the phone with her mom or something."

"I mean... I don't know Abigail, but from what (Y/N) has told me before... Abi worries a lot about her." Leo said quietly. "And so do I."

"Why?" Mikey scratched his head. "I mean she seems like she can handle herself?"

"Gotta' agree with Mikey this time." Donnie nodded. Leo pressed his lips together. Your problems wasn't something he would share with anyone. It was to much of a private matter. He shot a worried look in the direction you had walked, an uncomfortable thought popping up in his head. He sighed and turned back to his brothers.

"Let's just keep going."

***

The four turtles continued their training for about an hour, and then decided to call it a day. At least for now. Leo wanted them to train later as well, much to Mikey's disagreement.   
Leo made his way out of the dojo and set a course towards his room. He wasn't sure what to do or say to make you feel better, but he knew he would do whatever it took. He stopped in front of the wooden door, contemplating whether he should knock or not. It was a strange thing to do. Knock on your own door that is. He hesitantly raised a hand and carefully knocked on the hard surface with his knuckles.

"(Y/N)? Are you okay?"

The sound of Leo's voice startled you, and you looked around the room frantically to hide the shiny item you were holding in your right hand. You threw it under his bed and climbed on top of it, grabbed your phone and told him to come in.  
He opened the door slowly, and you turned your head to flash him a smile. He returned it and came inside, closing the door behind him. You layed down on your back and looked up at the ceiling.

"Pretty sweet room you got here." You mused. Leo shrugged and sat down next to you.

"I guess."

It was actually a pretty simple room. A bed, a desk, a chair and way too many candles. Books were scattered everywhere too. You put away your phone.

"Never knew you were this into books. I knew you liked them, just not _this_ much."

Leo smirked, but his expression soon morphed into worry.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?" He asked, voice laced with concern. You shot him a glance, but then returned your gaze to the ceiling.

"...not really." You replied softly. There was a silence between you. It was a painful silence. You rubbed your eyes and sighed. Leo turned around, resting one leg on the bed.

"Was she worried?"

"Yeah. I don't blame her."

"How come? You haven't been gone very long."

"It's... there's multiple reasons for her worry. None of which I really want to tell you about." You retorted, a little colder than you planned too. Leo clenched his jaw. You sighed once again.

"Sorry... I didn't mean it like that. It was before I met you so it's not really relevant."

"It is though. I can't imagine it's something minor if Abigail got so riled up." He rubbed his neck. "But it's up to you. If you're not comfortable with telling me I'm going to respect that."

You didn't answer, but you gave him a small nod. He moved his eyes to meet yours. You turned your head. His blue orbs almost burned holes in your skull. You knew that there was more he wanted to say. He knew you were hurting, but decided to drop it for now. He let out a breath.

"Can I do anything for you?" His eyes examined your emotionless face. You shook your head slowly.

"No."

"Okay... I'll leave you alone then." He said with a smile as he began to stand up.

"W-wait!"

You weren't sure what had happened, nor why you did what you did, but before he rose from the bed completely you grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.  
Leo let out a surprised sound as he landed on his shell. You felt your face burn up, but it was like your hand was glued to his wrist. He sat up and turned around.

"(Y-(Y/N)?" His face was growing darker by the second, and you felt the heat in your face increase all the more. You wanted to let go, but you couldn't. You started talking, trying to excuse your actions, but all that came out was a series of incoherent sounds.

"Uh- eh- Leo I didn't... I m-mean uhh..." You took a short breath. " Just... please don't leave... I want you to... stay..." You mumbled, staring down into the matress with flaring cheeks. Leo didn't say anything, and you closed your eyes in anticipation. You didn't even know why you were so flustered right now. It wasn't like you hadn't asked him to stay at you apartment before, so why was this any different?

"Alright. I'll stay."

Your eyes shot open and you looked up at him. His lips curled into a smile, and you simpered. You let go of his wrist and moved further away from him on the bed. He furrowed his brows a bit. You smiled and patted the spot next to you. Leo seemed hesitant at first, but after a few moments of thinking he layed down next to you. You shifted in the bed, trying not to lay too close to him.   
The two of you stared at the ceiling in silence for a while. You pulled at your sweaters sleeve a bit, contemplating whether or not to tell him about the incident. And the object that had been thrown under his bed. It wasn't the first time it had happened. You'd done it plenty of times before, and Leo knew about it. You had those scars for a reason.

"Leo...?" You croaked. Your voice was shaky and unsteady, like you could break down at any moment.

"Hm?" He turned his head, concern written all over his face. You looked at him. You couldn't do it. He would be disappointed. He would get mad.

"I..." You shut your eyes and turned away from him. "...never mind."

He didn't say anything. You sighed and clutched onto the sheets. The tension in the room was high. Almost unbearable. After a while, you felt the bed move, and you were sure he was leaving the room. But, much to both your surprise and embarassment, you felt a body press itself against your own. Your eyes shot open as an arm snaked it's way over your body, pulling you in close. You didn't move. Neither did he.

Leo's heart was beating at a rapid pace. Why did he do that? You probably thought it was weird. But he couldn't back now. That would make it weirder. His face was behind the back of your head, and he stared at your hair, his face burning up. He felt you move slightly. He thought you'd switch positions, moving away from him. But you didn't. You grabbed his hand, and without looking at him, you silently uttered a 'thank you'. Leo swallowed.

The two of you stayed like that for a while. You closed your eyes once more, letting Leo's audible heartbeat calm you down.


	6. I Like Talking To You

You sat up, scratching your head and yawning. After the tense moment with Leo, you had dozed off in his bed. You scanned the room, but the turtle was nowhere to be seen. You threw your legs over the edge of the bed and made your way to the living room, where Raphael and Donatello were seated. Donnie was using some sort of tablet, while Raph was munching on some ramen noodles and watching tv. You sneaked up behind him and leaned forward a bit, examining the tv screen. He was watching some sitcom that he clearly didn't pay much attention too. In fact, he seemed to be spacing out, given that he stopped chewing his food and stared out into the nothingness. You grinned and decided to be a dick.

"Yo."

"HOLY-" Raph's body jolted in place, almost making him drop the steaming noodles on his lap. He gritted his teeth and turned to look at you with a scowl. You howled with laughter, making Raph's irritation grow. Donnie glanced up from his tablet and smirked.

"Geez. Usually only Mikey gets to you like this."

You snorted and tried to speak through your giggles. "I-I thougt you'd notice me! I... pfft... hahaha.... aren't you supposed to be a ninja?"

Raphael frowned and turned away from you, muttering in the process. You took a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down.

"Aw c'mon I was just messing with ya'!" You laughed, placing yourself next to the red clad turtle in the couch. Raph didn't answer. You rolled your eyes at his silence and turned your attention to Donatello who probably were more interested in speaking to you.

"So where's Leo and Mikey?" You asked. Donnie put down the tablet.

"With April. She wanted help with something and Leo offered to go. Mikey was forced to come with him by sensei. He hasn't left the lair much in the last couple of days."

"They left this place in the middle of the day?" You raised an eyebrow in confusion. You thought secrecy was key for them. Donnie chuckled.

"Well, first of all it's four in the afternoon. Second, getting around in New York at this time unnoticed isn't that hard. Years of practice." He replied. You made an 'oh' sound and nodded. Donnie shifted in his seat.

"In any case, they should be back in an hour or so."

You hummed. The three of you sat in silence for a while, watching the boring sitcom. You huffed, bored out of your mind. If you had been home you would probably had gone out for a walk or called Abi over. On top of that, the lack of cigarettes for the past few days was getting to you. You sank into the couch, pulling on your sweater's sleeve slightly. You started to feel the side effects of your actions, since your wrist was starting to sting and itch. You tried suppressing the urge to scratch it, but after little to no time you had subconsciously started to dig your nails into your sleeve, dragging them up and down. Raph turned his head, watching as you aggressively scratched yourself. Donnie noticed too. Raph's eyebrows knitted together.

"Hey, take it easy."

You snapped back to reality, realizing what you had been doing. You laughed nervously.

"Ah, sorry." You mumbled, dragging your fingers through your hair. Raphael turned back to the tv, but his brows remained furrowed. Donnie stood up from his seat, catching your attention.

"Well, I'm gonna go to my lab. (Y/N), if you want you can come with me." He smiled.

You thought about it for a second. It actually sounded like fun. From what Leo had told you Donnie was a real tech wizard, and he probably had a lot of cool stuff you could occupy yourself with. But you decided not to go.

"Nah. I might swing by later though!"

Donnie nodded, grabbed his tablet and walked away. You leaned back in your seat and let your eyes wander over to Raph, who finished the last of his noodles before putting the bowl down. You noticed his eyebrows had yet to unfold. You wondered if your scratching had really been so unsettling. Raph let out a tired sigh.

"Ya' really like to stare huh?"

"Sorry." You muttered as you felt a blush creep onto your face.

"Is this going to be a thing ya' do every time we're in the same room?"

There was a silence. You smirked, trying to ignore your burning cheeks. "Maybe. I mean you have a very nice face."

You laughed nervously, seeing as Raph didn't seem to take your comment very well. He was glaring at you, with an offended look in his eyes. You stuttered for a bit before managing to make a complete sentence.

"Uh... did I say something wrong?"

"There's no need to mock me ya' know."

"Mock you?"

"I have a _nice face_?"

Your eyes widened. "Wha- I... I meant what I said? Is it that hard to believe?"

Raph was quiet. Your lips formed a thin line. _'Damn. Leo was right when he said it didn't take much to tick this guy off.'_ You leaned forward a bit, trying to meet Raphael's gaze.

"Look dude, I'm sorry if I offended you or whatever, but I meant what I said." You pursed your lips waiting for a response. Raph sighed.

"...whatever."

You tried giving him a smile. You didn't want to get on bad terms with Raph, much less over something as silly as this. You shifted in your seat, turning your entire body around to face the red clad turtle.

"I have a favor to ask."

Raphael said nothing, but turned his head to show he was paying attention.

"Okay so here's the thing... I have a _teeny tiny_ problem that I need you to help me fix." You began carefully. "I haven't had a smoke in days and the irritation is getting to me. I don't deal well for long without cigarettes."

Raph raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "What are ya' getting at?"

"Well... I need new ones." You admitted. "...but I can't leave this place."

"Not my problem." He stated flatly. "'Sides, maybe it's a chance for ya' to quit."

"But I don't want to quit. I need new ones and you need to help me get them."

"I can't just waltz into a store. In case you missed it, I'm a turtle. A giant mutant turtle."

"Yeaaaah but I was thinking that maybe we could both go, and you can like... protect me or whatever from the Foot Clan." You crossed your arms. Raph turned back to the tv.

"Nah." 

"Aw c'mon!"

"Listen, if it's that important to ya', I can ask April to bring ya' some tomorrow." He grumbled. You grinned.

"Thanks."

He hummed in response. You smiled and leaned back in your seat. The sound of Donnie tinkering in the background reached your ears, and the temptation to check out his stuff grew stronger by the minute, so you decided to head over there. The conversation with Raph had died down anyway, and staying here would only make it more awkward. You stood up from your seat, stretching your arms high up in the air. Raph's eyes scanned your frame, but he remained silent.

"I'm gonna' head over to Donatello." You said as you began to walk away. "And by the way, you _do_ have a nice face. Don't put yourself down." You shot him a warm smile and walked off.

You walked into the lab and called out to Donnie. He turned around, a giant pair of strange goggles strapped to his face. You snorted.

"What... are those?"

"These?" He asked and pointed to the goggles. You nodded.

"Well, they're made to scan, zoom, read data, all that good stuff. Think of them as a glorified microscope slash computer mashed into one." He smiled proudly. "I made them myself."

Your eyes lit up. "That's so cool!"

"Do you want to try them?"

"Yeah!"

Donnie took the device of his head and motioned for you to come closer. You walked up to him and let him help you put the goggles on your head. Once they were on, you were surprised by how heavy they were. You brought your hands up to your head to adjust them a bit. Donnie pressed a button on the side, and suddenly a bunch of numbers and symbols appeared before your gaze in green. You looked through the glasses with awe and spun around a bit.

"Coooool... and you made these? Leo was right when he said you were good with technology." You mumbled. Donnie raised his eyebrows.

"Leo said that?"

You turned to him and tilted your head to the side.

"Does that surprise you?"

"I mean, no. But at the same time, yeah a little bit I guess. Usually Mikey is the one to give praise." He shrugged. You frowned.

"And Leo doesn't?"

"O-oh don't get me wrong, he does, just not that often." He emitted.

You hummed and sat down in Donnie's chair. He began tinkering with something once again and a silence overcame you. You smiled.

"Leo talks a lot about you guys with me."

Donnie turned his head slightly. "Really?"

"Yeah. You're a regular choice of conversation topic for him. A lot of the time it's just rants about Raph, but it's equally just as much about how much he admires the three of you. Maybe he doesn't give you a ton of praise right to your face, but I can tell he's really proud of you guys." You smiled.

Donnie stared at you for a bit. You took the goggles off and handed them to him. He took them, his grip tightening a bit. He didn't say anything, but he smiled. You could tell he was happy over what you had told him. Donnie put the goggles back on his own head, smirking.

"So he rants a lot about Raph huh? Can't say I'm surprised about that."

You rolled your eyes and spun around in the chair.

"Are you kidding me? When he starts he can't stop. From what I've gathered they fight ninety percent of the time they spend together." You groaned. Donnie chuckled.

"Well... not _that_ much, but yes they do bicker a lot. Their personalities just don't go together very well. Raph's very impulsive and temperamental, while Leo is strategic and has a collected mind."

"Tell me about it. Raph does seem to have a temper, and some of his anger is uncalled for from what I understand, but I can definitely see where his frustration with Leo comes from. I love the guy but jeez does his... perfection? Can you call it that? Anyways, it gets on my nerves too sometimes. He's a little too... controlling from time to time." You admitted. Donnie nodded in an understanding manner.

"That's pretty much Raph's opinion on the whole thing too." Donnie paused. "...though sometimes I think they both overreact when it comes to the other. They can blow up over the smallest of things and start fighting over it. It gets annoying."

"I bet." You nodded. Donnie sighed.

"But, they do care a lot about each other."

You snickered. "Guess some guys are just too tough to admit it."

Donnie hummed in agreement. You looked up at the ceiling.

"Must be nice though..."

Donnie raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? Being to tough to admit you actually care about someone?"

"No." You laughed. "Having brothers. Siblings in general. A family. Despite the quarrels, you'll always have someone to rely on. People who will be there for you no matter what. You got such a cool dad too."

Donnie pursed his lips. "You don't have a family right?"

You nodded and smiled sadly. Donnie looked down at his feet for a moment before letting his gaze travel back up.

"If you don't mind me asking... where... where is your family?"

You shrugged.

"Dunno. They left a long time ago. Probably when I was around... ten maybe? No, I must've been like eight or nine."

"...why did they leave?" Donnie asked with a hesitant tone. You shrugged once more.

"Guess they got tired of me. My parents never really cared for me, so I guess it was just a matter of time. They just left. I don't have any siblings, so at least they didn't leave me with someone who couldn't take care of me or vice versa."

"You're an only child?"

"Yep. I always wanted a sibling. Preferably a sister. I always fantasized what it would be like to have one. When I met Abi that desire was somewhat fulfilled. She's the closest thing I have to a family now. Her parents hate me but I can live with that."

Donnie stayed silent for a while, seemingly brooding over the information. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. You could tell he was trying to be very careful with his questions. He took a deep breath through his nose.

"Your parents... what were they like?"

You pressed your lips together into a thin line, eyebrows knitted tightly together. Memories of your violent dad and harsh mother flashed by, making you shiver.

"They were... difficult." You murmured, pulling at your sweater's sleeve.

Noticing the quietness in your response, Donnie decided that it was best not to pry any further. You didn't mind him asking questions. You supposed anyone would be curious. You huffed and shot the turtle a smile.

"I don't usually open up like this. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"N-no it's fine!" Donnie waved his hands in front of his face. "I shouldn't have asked so many questions."

"It's alright. I like talking to you. You're very comforting and easy to talk to. Like a therapist." You lilted.

You and Donnie exchanged a smile, before a knock on the lab door could be heard. You snapped your head around and beamed.

"Hello Lameonardo."


	7. Raphael

"Hello Lameonardo." You said with a grin.

Leo was standing in the doorway, leaning against it's frame. He smirked and tilted his head to the side.

"I like Mighty Turtle Lord better."

You rolled your eyes and hopped of Donnie's chair.

"I bet."

Leo chuckled. He opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by Mikey who jumped out behind him.

"Hey (Y/N) we brought pizza! You want some?"

"We'll be there soon Mikey I just need to speak to (Y/N) for a bit first." Leo said with a serious face. 

Mikey nodded, but he didn't move. You and Donnie exchanged a look before the purple clad turtle went over to his younger brother and grabbed his arm.

"Alright see you guys in a bit. C'mon Mikey."

Mikey shot you a final smile before being dragged away by Donnie, who still seemed to be in a sort of brooding state after your converstation.

You let your eyes wander over to Leo, who was standing with his arms crossed. It was only when you were standing in front of him like this that you noticed how tall he actually was. Your eyes scanned his frame for a bit, before your (e/c) orbs met his gaze. His facial expression softened a bit when your eyes met, and his arms fell to his sides. He rubbed his neck awkwardly before opening his mouth.

"...are you okay? It's been a pretty eventful day."

"Yesterday was a lot worse I can asure you of that." You grinned.

A crease formed between Leo's eyebrows, and he took a step forward, not breaking eye contact. It was almost hard to look him in the eyes. He wasn't mad. Just, worried. He sighed.

"You sure know how to make me worry for you..." He chuckled, but his laugh was devoid of any happiness.

Your eyes fell to the ground and you muttered a 'sorry'. Leo shook his head.

"It's not your fault. I just care about you that's all." He cleared his throat. "And... I'm sorry if I freaked you out earlier."

"Huh?" You blinked at his comment. "What do you mean?"

You looked up, only to see a really flustered Leo. His cheeks were tinted with pink, and he was fiddling with his fingers. He tried to answer you, but all that came out was incoherent mumbling. You stepped a little closer.

"Leo, I can't hear you when you're mumbling like that."

Leo took a shaky breath, as if this was very hard for him to say. Your lips curled into a small smile. He was actually kind of cute like this.

"I'm... sorry if my actions earlier made you feel uncomfortable..." He murmured quietly.

It took you a moment to realize what he was speaking about, and before long, your cheeks were dusted with pink as well. You laughed nervously.

"Haha no it's alright I mean I was the one who asked you to stay and you did so it's really I who should be apologizing oh my god I'm rambling aren't I-" You stopped yourself and chipped for breath. That sentence became a bit longer than you intended it too.

Leo smiled and chuckled.

"I'm just glad you're okay."

Your pulled at your sleeve for a bit. You felt like you were betraying Leo for not telling him about what you did, but nontheless, you plastered a grin on your face and nodded.

"Yeah... me too..."

You stood in silence for a while before Leo spoke up.

"We better go grab a slice of pizza before Mikey eats it all."

You beamed. "Sounds good."

***

A couple of hours later, you and the brothers were all seated in front of the tv. Mikey had decided you should all watch a movie together, and together the two of you picked out Bruce the Almighty. Mikey had insisted on sitting next to you on the couch, and seeing as Raph was already seated there, you ended up sitting between the two. Donnie and Leo each sat down in the two armchairs that they had.  
You and Mikey laughed like maniacs for the first half of the movie, while the other three just seemed to stare at you in disbelief as to why you would find anything in the movie so ridiculously funny. Eventually Donnie took off and went to his lab, and Leo decided he was going to go to sleep. After a quick goodnight, it was just you, Mikey and Raph left. The orange clad turtle, with his short attention span, had started to loose interest in the movie and dozed off on the couch leaving you and Raphael in a very similair position from earlier that day.  
As the third act of the movie rolled around, you noticed how sweaty you were beginning to become after sitting stuffed between the brothers with your sweater on for so long. Without really thinking too much about what you were doing, you unzipped your hoodie and tossed it on one of the armchairs. You put your hands in a resting position in your lap and and sighed at the feeling of release from your warm prison. What you failed to notice however, was that the red clad turtle next to you was staring intensively at your wrists.

After a while, you felt how your eyelids were getting heavier by each passing second. Before your eyes closed completely, you thought you felt your head rest on someone's shoulder, but before you could think too much about it you fell asleep.

***

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, an unfamiliar scent filling your nose. It smelled of sweat and some type of cologne. At first you didn't think much of it, but as you grew more conscious, you began to notice that this was not the couch. You weren't even in the same room you had been in when you fell asleep.  
Your eyes snapped open, and you sat up in the bed you were lying in. Your eyes scanned the room. Comics and training equipment were scattered everywhere, and on a little table in the corner there was a pair of sais placed. You quickly grew very nervous at the sighting of the weapons, and before you could dart out of the room, the door opened. You froze in place as the second eldest brother stepped in. He was a bit sweaty, and had clearly been working out. You clutched onto the sheets as you locked your eyes with his. Raph cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Yer' awake."

"...yeah. Uhm... what- what am I doing in your room? In your bed?" You asked, biting your lip nervously. Raph's eyes quickly grew wide.

"It's not what ya' think!"

You squinted at him.

"Then what is it exactly?" You asked, confusion laced in your voice. Raph closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

"Look, ya' fell asleep on the couch last night and so did Mikey. There was no way I'd be able to wake him up, or move him, so... I thought ya' could get some decent sleep if ya' spent the night in my room. Mikey kicks a lot as well." He explanied.

You blushed. "What uhm... did you carry me here?"

"How'd ya' think ya' ended up there. I didn't exactly drag ya'." He smirked. You hummed, suddenly feeling a little guilty.

"Where did you sleep then?" 

"Does that matter?" He raised an eyebrow. You shrugged.

"I mean... no but yeah. You could have just woken me up and I could've gone to Leo's room."

Now it was Raph's turn to be embarrassed. He rubbed his neck awkwardly and shrugged, pacing around his room for a bit before stopping to pick up one of his sais.

"I dunno. Guess I didn't think that far..." He mumbled. You smiled.

"Well... thanks, I guess. It was nice of you."

You threw your legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, ruffling your hair back into place.

"So, what time is it?"

"'Round eight in the morning."

"Have you guys been training already?"

"Nah we're off today. Donnie fell asleep in his lab last night and only came out to grab some coffe. Mikey hasn't woken up yet." Raph huffed. "Leo hasn't even left his room yet."

"There's no way Leo's still asleep? He's the earliest early bird there is." You said, an eyebrow raised in disbelief.

Raph shook his head. "Nah. He's probably reading or meditating or whatever. He'll be out eventually."

You nodded.

"Well uhm... thanks again for letting me sleep here I guess. I'm gonna go grab some breakfast." You said as you began to head towards the door. Just as you grabbed the handle Raph let out a hesitant breath.

"I saw yer' wrists."

Your hand lingered on the handle for a bit, before you quickly opened the door and headed outisde, not letting Raph say anything else. His statement made you remember that you removed your hoodie, and you quickly made your way to the living area to look for it.

It didn't take long for you to find it, and without waking Mikey, you grabbed it and sprinted to the kitchen. You put on your hoodie and slowly walked towards the counter. You crossed your arms and leaned against the edge of the counter, sighing. Your thoughts began to race. Did he think you were pathetic? Was he going to tell Leo? You groaned and burried your face in your hands.

"You seem troubled."

The deep voice startled you, and you snapped your head to see Splinter standing there, hands behind his back. You huffed, plastering a smile on your face.

"You could say that." You chuckled. Splinter's eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"Would you care to tell me what's wrong?" He asked, concern clear in his voice. You pursed your lips, shaking your head. Splinter noddded.

"That's alright. But, I want you to keep in mind that you can always speak to me if something is troubling you." He smiled, shooting you a warm look. Your face lit up a small bit, and you nodded.

"Thanks... uhm- master Splinter!" You quickly added. He chuckled.

"No need for that. Splinter is just enough." He noted. You nodded.

"Alright... if you say so."

Splinter went to the coffee maked and began to prepare the hot drink. He took down two mugs and gave you a questioning look asking if you wanted coffee too. You hummed in response and he proceeded to pour the drink in the two mugs, then handing you one of them.

"Thanks..." You mumbled, blowing on your coffee before taking a sip.

You and Splinter continued to speak for a while before he retired to his room, supposedly to meditate. You felt a little better after speaking with the rat. He was kind. And smart. You could understand why Leo loved to have him as his father. You sighed and put the coffee mug in the sink. You went back out into the living room to find your phone, discovering that Mikey was still sound asleep on the couch. You snickered at his appearance. His mouth was wide open, arms and legs sprawled out all over the couch. And he was drooling. You snorted, and began to look around for your phone. You searched for several minutes, without any luck. With an annoyed sigh you sat down in one of the armchairs.

"Looking for this?"

You turned your head to see Raph, who was holding your phone. You fiddled with the hem of your shirt as he handed it to you.

"Thanks. I'm guessing you grabbed it last night."

"Yeah. I put it in my room but ya' must've missed it."

You nodded and pressed the home button. Two missed calls from Abigail. You quickly texted her a good morning and some updates on how you were doing before shutting your phone off. Raph cast a glance in Mikey's direction.

"He probably won't wake up for a while."

"Probably." You nodded. Raph took a step closer.

"So about-"

"Good morning." A familiar voice emitted.

Leo walked up to you and Raphael, giving his brother a nod before turning to you.

"Did you sleep well?"

Your face immediately turned red and you looked down on the ground.

"Y-yeah! Though Mikey fell asleep on the couch before I did so I uhm... slept in Raph's room." You sputtered. Leo's expression went blank for a second before he turned to look at his brother.

"Is that so?" He asked, sounding somewhat annoyed. Raph frowned.

"Take it easy Leo. I didn't climb in the bed with her or anything."

Your face grew darker by his comment and you scratched your head awkwardly.

"Well... I did sleep better in his bed than I did on the couch." You mumbled. "Not that I don't like the couch! It's great!" You quickly added.

You looked at the two, hoping they would cool down. The tension that was rising in the room was not to your liking. Why did Leo get so defensive?  
The blue clad turtle glared at his brother, and Raph stared back. Their little staring contest was getting on your nerves and you stood up from your seat.

"So, Raph... are you gonna ask April about my cigarettes?" You asked, trying to switch topics. Raph huffed.

"Yeah. She'll come by later. I'll ask her to bring ya' a pack." He retorted.

Raph shot Leo a final glare before leaving the room. Leo snorted.

"Sometimes I wonder what his problem is..." He grumbled. You looked at him with annoyance.

"Maybe you should ask yourself what your problem is." You muttered. Leo turned his head, looking confused.

"What?"

"Why are you getting so defensive? Am I only allowed to be in your room? Why are you so hostile against Raph?" You asked, irritation clear in your voice.

Leo pursed his mouth, but said nothing. You sighed.

"Jesus Leo." You pushed him lightly in the arm. "I like you but you make no sense sometimes."

You grinned at him in a forgiving manner before heading off to the bathroom to take a shower. Leo kept his eyes locked on your frame as you walked away, smiling while rubbing his arm.


	8. Throwing Punches

You stepped inside the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You remembered Leo telling you that April sometimes showered here. Even that guy Casey did. So despite the brothers not having any hair, they kept a shampoo bottle in the bathroom for their human friends.

"Lucky me." You mumbled to yourself as you began to strip.

Your clothes fell to the ground in a pile, and you jumped in the shower, turning on the water and humming in delight. You hadn't had a shower in ages. Since yours was out of order, you could only shower when you were at Abi's place, and that didn't happen all that often due to her parents.  
You stood still for a few minutes, just letting the water pour on you. You looked down on your body, observing it. You really didn't give a shit about how you looked. At least when it came to your body. Abi was constantly going on about how she wasn't happy with hers, and about how practically every girl at her school had an eating disorder or worked out way too much to get the "desired" body-type. You knew she was exaggerating, but you weren't surprised a lot of people had issues with it. You weren't self-conscious with your body, but you were when it came to your mind. People had a tendency to shy away from people with issues. Which is why you usually put on a carefree attitude to not scare anyone away. You didn't want people to judge you based on your mental problems.

"But Raph probably does by now." You chuckled quietly.

You squeezed out some shampoo into your hand and began massaging your scalp. You thought back on Raphael's comment.

_"I saw yer' wrists."_

You let out a sigh. Maybe he didn't care. He didn't seem like the type of guy to judge someone based on things like that, but still. You weren't sure if he cared or not. You huffed.

"Why would I care even if he did? It's not his problem." You muttered.

You rinsed out the shampoo of your hair, your eyes scanning your body once again. They travelled from your wrists, to your upper arms, down to your stomach and thighs. Scars. Scars and cuts everywhere. You grimaced. It didn't make you feel uncomfortable per say, but sometimes you wished it wasn't so hard to leave your limbs be. You couldn't help it. It was an outlet. Something to take care of the overwhelming anxiety you got. You couldn't even remember when you started. You must have been around thirteen. You mostly stuck to the same places, so the lines weren't very scattered. They sat there in their own little lanes. They were many, but not all over the place. You traced the lines on your stomach with your fingers slowly. Lightly. You barely touched them.  
Leo knew about your cutting, but he hadn't seen all the scars. Only those on your arms and wrists. He never understood why you did it, and when you tried to explain it to him, he just couldn't understand. He told you to just stop and don't do it, but it wasn't that easy. At this point, it was an addiction, and you were deep in the hole.  
You glanced at the fresh cuts on your wrists. It hurt a bit to shower since they were still pretty much fresh wounds. You'd have to find some bandages to wrap around them later.

You turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. You grabbed a towel from the neatly folded pile in the corner and dried yourself off for a bit before you hung up the fabric. You put your clothes back on and headed back into the living room. Mikey, who had finally woken up and was playing video games, snapped his head to the side and grinned when he spotted you.

"Hello angel cakes."

Your mouth curved up into a half-smile and you sat down next to him on the floor.

"Hey Mikey. Where are the others?"

Mikey pressed a few buttons on the controller rapidly befoire giving you a respone.

"Dunno. But I'm gonna guess Donnie's in his lab. I know Raph's working out and Leo's meditating with Splinter."

You nodded and turned your attention to the game he was playing. It was a first person shooter game. Not the type you would expect the innocent orange clad turtle to play. You brought your knees up to the chest and sighed. Mikey shot you a glance.

"So, how do ya' like living here?" He asked with an innocent smile. You chuckled.

"Well it's only been a day so far, so it's a little hard to say, but I like it here." You retorted. Mikey hummed.

"Yeah it's pretty sweet. But our old lair was better."

"Oh Shredder blew that up right?" You asked. Mikey nodded.

"Yup. Though this one's closer to the basket ball stadium, so it doesn't take as long to get there which is awesome!" He grinned. You raised an eyebrow.

"For being people who are supposed to stay hidden you sure go out a lot."

Mikey shrugged. "Well, as Leo would say..." He pointed a finger in the air and did an overly manly voice. "Practice makes perfect."

You snorted at his crappy Leo impression.

"Wow, I couldn't even tell the difference."

"Right? I'm like the _best_ at impersonating my brothers. Look now I'm Donnie." He reached for a book. "...and this is what makes up the hoo-haa of the thingamajiggy that Mikey is NOT allowed to touch."

You giggled. "What about Raph?"

"Oh he's the easiest." Mikey said nonchalantly as he stood up.

You furrowed your eyebrows at his action. MIkey cleared his throat in a dramatic matter before making _the most_ angry face you had ever seen. Well, as angry as Mikey could make his face out to be. He crossed his arms.

"I'm Raphael and I'm the biggest, deadliest, scariest teddy bear there is. FIGHT ME!" Mikey exclaimed loudly.

You tried, but you failed to contain your giggles that soon erupted into full on maniac laughter. Mikey joined you and the two of you laughed hysterically for several minutes before settling down. You dragged your fingers through your hair.

"Wow! Easily the best impression I've ever seen!"

Mikey grinned.

"Told you I was good!"

"Yeah, the best." A gruff voice called out from behind.

You and Mikey turned around to see an angry Raphael standing there, squinting at his younger brother. Mikey let out a yelp and hid behind you.

"Protect me (Y/N)!"

You felt Mikey get a hold of your waist and stomach before practically squeezing the life out of you. You chipped for breath.

"Mikey your killing me!"

"Oh sorry." He said as he let go, throwing his hands in the air. 

"It's cool, but I'd appreciate if we avoided attempted murders in the future." You noted. Mikey laughed.

Raph huffed as he walked past you and Mikey and into the kitchen before walking back out and into the dojo with a bottle of water. You followed his steps with your gaze, and stood up from your seat on the floor. Mikey shot you a questioning look.

"Where are you going?"

"Imma' head over to Raph. I'll talk to you later okay?"

You were sure Mikey responded, but you didn't hear it. You walked into the dojo, seeing Raph punch a boxing bag. You watched him throw his punches one by one. The bag barely had any time to come back towards him before he delivered another blow to it. You leaned against the doorframe and continued to observe him. Out of the four, he definitely had the biggest muscles and the heaviest build. Your eyes traveled over his arms, and then up to his face. He looked angry. Well, he always looked angry, but still. It was... kind of attractive. You blinked at the comment you'd made in your head. No. That wasn't something you were supposed to think. You shook the comment off before clearing your throat to make your presence known. Raph stopped punching the bag.

"Whoever it is leave me alone-" Raph began as he turned around, before stopping himself mid sentence.

"Hi." You smiled. Raph averted your gaze.

"Hey. Sorry, I didn't know it was you." He muttered.

"What are you up to?" You asked moving closer to him.

"What does it look like?" Raph retorted, sounding a bit annoyed. You frowned.

"Sorry." He emitted with a sigh.

"Whatever." You mumbled.

Raph's gaze softened a bit, and he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. You tilted your head to the side and gave him a questioning look.

"...you're wondering about my wrists, aren't you?"

Raph didn't respond, but you could tell that was it. You sighed and picked up a shuriken, beginning to fiddle with it.

"Look, you don't need to worry about it alright? Just, please don't tell Leo..." You muttered. Raph raised an eyebrow, and you pursed your lips.

"Please? He... he wouldn't understand." You pleaded. Raph huffed.

"Fine. Wouldn't be the first the time I kept secrets from Leo." He smirked a bit. "So, why'd ya follow me in here?"

Your eyes went round at his comment, and you put down the shuriken before crossing your arms in an awkward manner.

"Uhm- I don't- I didn't follow you in here!" You stuttered. Raph delivered a shit eating grin, making your cheeks flush.

"Right. So what did ya want? I'm guessing pressuring me to stay silent wasn't all ya had planned." He commented. You squinted at him.

"I didn't pressure you into silence! I asked you very nicely!" You frowned, with a childish pout on your lips. "...and no, I didn't plan anything. I just wanted to hang out with someone."

"And Mikey didn't fill that desire?" Raph smirked. You looked down at your feet, not really expecting your next sentence.

"Maybe I wanted to hang out with you." You mumbled with a shrug, face on fire.

Raph's eyes widened and he cleared his throat, not saying anything. You huffed and let your arms fall to your sides. Your gaze fell on the boxing bag, and you walked up to it, pushing it a little making it swing back and forth. You needed to switch subjects, making the awkward silence go away.

"Can you show me how to throw a good punch?" You asked, turning to face the red clad turtle. 

When he didn't respond, you delivered an exaggerated weak blow to the bag, barely making it move. Raph stared at you for a moment before making his way toward you. He began to unwrap the bandages on his hands and handed them to you.

"You'll need these." He noted.

You took the bandages from him and began to wrap the around your knuckes. Raph let out a snort.

"Wait, yer doin' it wrong. They need to be tighter." He said with a chuckle.

You made an 'oh' sound and unwrapped the bandages, placing them in the turtle's hands. He shot you a confused look.

"Help me do it right then." You said while holding out your hands towards him.

Raph stood still, like he was refusing to even touch you. You smiled warmly at him and placed a hand in his. He flinched a bit at your action, but you just shook your head.

"It's alright, I don't mind. I cling onto Leo all the time, so I'm used to being in physical contact with mutant turtles."

Raph cleared his throat once again, and gently began to wrap the bandages around your knuckles. You observed his hands with curious eyes. They were rough, no doubt about it. Leo's hands were surprisingly soft in comparison. You guessed Raph didn't use moisturizer. You couldn't prove Leo did, but he totally did.  
Raph's eyes met yours for a split second before travelling back down to your hand in his. He began wrapping your other hand, and when he was done he quickly let you go. You clenched your fists a bit, getting used to the tight bandages hugging your knuckles. You gave Raph a thumbs up.

"Alright, show me how to be badass."

Raph smirked. "Well, first of all ya need to have the correct stance."

You raised an eyebrow and held your hands up in front of your face, clenching your fists. You delivered a blow to the boxing bag, making it swing back and forth. Despite it being a somewhat powerful punch, it wasn't a very graceful one. Raph put a hand to his face.

"Alright, I think ya need some help." He sighed, inching himself closer to you.

Raph hesitantly placed his hands on your hips and turned you slightly. You relaxed a bit to show that it was alright to do so. The red clad turtle averted your gaze and moved his hands to yours, putting them into a more defensive position. He distanced himself a bit and nodded.

"Try giving the bag a punch."

You did as you were told, and let your fist collide with the bag once again. This time, you noticed how much more powerful the blow was. You beamed at the result and tried again, and again, and again. Each time the bag swung back and forth violently, and after several minutes you noticed how much you were panting. You stopped for a bit and dragged your fingers through your hair, throwing a happy look in Raphael's direction.

"This is actually kind of fun!" You mused. Raph crossed his arms and nodded.

"Glad ya find it enjoyable. Yer actually not that bad."

You grinned and sat down on the ground to rest.

"Thanks! Maybe I can train against you someday." You lilted.

Raph huffed, amused, and sat down on the ground as well.

"If that happens, I won't go easy on ya." He joked.

You snickered and pulled your knees up to your chest. "I don't expect you to."


	9. Just Friends

"You cheated!"

You threw the controller lazily on the ground and grinned at a pouting Mikey.

"Nah, natural talent." You replied and shrugged. Mikey squinted at you.

"You gotta play video games to become good at 'em! Do you even have video games...?" He asked suspiciously.

You shook your head. "I just play at Abi's whenever I'm there."

You and Mikey had been playing video games for the last couple of hours. After you and Raph hung out for a while, you got bored. Since Leo was busy, and Donnie seemed to be catching up on some sleep (i.e falling asleep on his desk), you decided to hang out with Mikey. Right now you were playing Mario Kart, which apparently was a real classic. You didn't know, you didn't grow up with video games after all, so you had to take the youngest turtle's word for it.  
It was closing in on noon, and apparently April would come by after she got off work, which would be some time in the late afternoon. To be honest, you were a little nervous to meet her. You'd seen her on tv and stuff, but that wasn't the reason why. No, there was something else. Like you were scared of being judged. You pursed your lips, preparing yourself, as the next race started.  
Hopefully she was nice in person. She looked very friendly on tv. And she were the turtles closest friend after all. Leo had told you that she saved them when they were still mere baby turtles, so she was definitely kind hearted. But you were unsure of how she would react to you. Would it irk her that they made another human friend? They had three already, including her. Two guys. One was named Casey but you couldn't remember what the other guy was called.  
Mikey let out a menacing laugh as he sent a blue shell after you, putting you in sixth place and him in first. You smiled in his direction, not really paying the game much mind. Apparently Mikey had a crush on April. Of course, you heard that from Leo. The youngest turtle wasn't exactly subtle about it either. Though you figured that was to be expected. He wasn't particularly shy, nor did he seem to get embarassed easily.  
You watched as Mikey passed the finish line with his character Koopa Troopa. A turtle. _Fitting_ , you thought to yourself as you laughed quietly. Mikey turned his head to look at you.

"What's so funny?"

"Huh? Oh... nothing." You smiled, seeing your character, King Boo, pass the finish line as well. Mikey nodded.

"Third place, not bad. For a newbie." He grinned, clearly basking in the shine of his victory. You snorted.

"I won last time, don't forget that!"

Mikey rolled his eyes at you. "Yeaaah, but I won _this_ time!" He grinned.

You and Mikey continued playing, soon hearing a door open and footsteps approaching the two of you. You shot a glance in the direction of the sound, seeing the blue clad turtle in the corner of your eye.

"Oh hey! You done with... meditating or whatever? I've been waiting for hours." You mockingly whined.

Leo chuckled and sat down next to you on the couch.

"We went on for longer than we planned. When you get caught in that moment of peace it's easy to lose track of time." He shrugged. You made an 'oh' sound.

"Right. Well, I think it sounds kind of boring. Just sitting in silence in an uncomfortable pose for hours." You said, raising an eyebrow at Leo. 

He smiled. "Maybe we can try it together sometime? Perhaps you won't find it as boring if you do it with someone you like spending time with?"

"Who said I like spending time with you?" You commented.

Leo's eyes widened and you gave him a nudge in the side, shooting him a warm smile.

"I'm kidding."

Mikey and you finished the race, and the orange clad turtle stood up, stretching.

"Welp, I'm gonna go grab something to eat. (Y/N) you want anything?"

"Nah I'm cool." You retorted.

Mikey nodded and began to trot towards the kitchen. You put the controller down and leaned back into the couch, crossing your arms over your chest. You glanced up at Leo, and scooted closer to him.

"Hey." You whispered.

"Hey." He whispered back. You smirked.

"Tomorrow."

"What?"

"We could try meditating tomorrow if you want." You mumbled, leaning your head against his shoulder.

You felt Leo shift a bit, so that your head fell in a comfortable spot between his plastron and the crook of his neck, right where his collarbone was. He hummed.

"I thought you said it sounded boring."

You chuckled. "Heh well, maybe it won't be so boring if I do it with someone I _love_ spending time with."

Leo's mouth curved up into a small smile at your words. Your gaze travelled down Leo's arm, and stopped at his hand. You reached for it and entertwined his fingers with yours. Leo tensed up a bit, his eyes darting to yours. You smiled.

"Nothing's boring when my best friend is with me."

Leo was silent for a moment, and you could hear his heartbeat pick up it's pace a bit, in turn making yours do it as well.

"Isn't Abigail your best friend?" He asked quietly. You blinked.

"Well yeah... but, I can have more than one, right? We've been friends for months, and you passed the best friend test a long time ago buddy."

"I wasn't aware there was a test?" He said with a raised eyebrow.

You grinned. "That's the point. If you knew you would do anything to pass right? Then how would I know if it was genuine?"

"Then, may I ask what the test was? You've never presented me with any challenges." He noted with a dramatic tone. You giggled.

"Remember that time about five months ago, when you helped me escape from the cops and proceeded to scold me?"

"I believed that has happened more than once?"

"Haha." You laughed, your voice heavy with sarcasm. Leo let out an amused huff.

"Alright alright, I think I know what you're talking about. It was when you took that pair of headphones right?"

"Yeah! After we escaped, and you scolded me, we went back to my place. I was feeling pretty bummed out that night for... well you know why." You mumbled. "...I never said anything about that I was feeling like crap that night, but since you somehow seemed to notice anyway, you stayed with me until I fell asleep."

You paused to take a breather, lifting your head from it's position on Leo to look at him.

"You made me dinner, you kept me from harming myself. You made sure I would be alright. When I woke up you were gone, but I knew what you did for me the night before. And that was the first time you ever did something like that for me. So I just... I just kind of knew."

Leo's gaze met yours, and you stared at each other for a moment before he opened his mouth.

"You knew... what?" He asked, his voice low.

"That you were my best friend." You responded with something that ended up as a whisper.

You and Leo let the silence wash over you. It wasn't until now that you noticed that your fingers were still tightly knitted together, and your faces were only inches apart. You didn't really care though. It felt right in a way.

Leo observed your face. His eyes scanned your features slowly. That same nervousness that he felt when you and he were in his bed came rushing back. He wasn't sure what it was, but it felt amazing. And awful. He couldn't decide which. It was like his stomach made a somersault, over and over again, while his heart beat so fast it hurt. It was like it was going to burst out of his chest any minute. He tightened his grip on your hand slightly, and tried to steady his breathing. It was surprisingly uneven. He leaned forward a small bit, feeling your breath on his face. He wasn't sure where this was going, but it felt good. Extremely so. His eyes focused on yours.

"(Y/N)?"

You hummed in response, feeling like your voice had been stolen.

"I-"

"What are you doing?"

You and Leo quickly let go of each other and snapped your heads to the source of the voice, and who should be there if not Michelangelo. Leo cleared his throat.

"Nothing. We were just talking."

"Riiiight." The younger brother retorted, taking a bite out of the sandwich he was holding.

You stood up from your seat, taking notice of how much warmth was radiating off your cheeks. You stretched your arms.

"I'm gonna go to the bahtroom. Why don't you start up a new game Mikey? I'll be back in a minute." You sputtered.

Mikey nodded and sat down on the couch, watching as you quickly made your way into the bathroom. As soon as you were out of sight, he looked at his older brother with a grin.

"Dude, good job. Sorry I interrupted."

Leo's eyes went round.

"What?"

"Aw c'mon, you two where this close-"

"Mikey." Leo said, his voice laced with a serious tone. Mikey blinked.

"Huh?"

"(Y/N) and I are just friends. Nothing more, nothing less."

Mikey nodded. "Uhu, whatever you say bro. But (Y/N) looked like she was pretty into whatever was happening. Just saying."

The orange clad turtle took another bite out of his sandwich, and Leo stared at him in disbelief. Right. Like you would ever be... interested in him like that. He knew better than to hope for those things. Besides, it wasn't like he felt anything for you. Right?


	10. A Certain Brunette

You stared at yourself in the mirror. What. Just. Happened?

"Did... did Leo and I almost...?"

You dragged your fingers through your hair and let out a shaky breath. Was this weird? It totally was right?  
A groan escaped your lips and you started to pace around in the bathroom. You didn't want to go back out. In the moment, it felt good being with Leo like that. It felt _r_ _eally_ good, but now, you just wanted to disappear. Sink through the floor and not come back.  
You stared at the door. You really didn't want to head back outside. You hummed in an annoyed manner and roughly ruffled your hair.

"Okay, don't be a pussy. It'll be fine. I'm sure Leo didn't mind. It's fine. It's fine... It's... It's fine!" You kept repeating the phrase in a never ending mantra while you opened the door and headed back out into the living room.

Mikey was back on the couch, and Leo was still there as well. You took a quick breath and headed towards them to sit down as well. You debated in your head whether you should sit next to Leo or not. It would be a bit awkward to sit next to him, but if you sat down next to Mikey after this incident... it would just make things weird. And you didn't want to make him feel bad about what happened. Not that _you_ did, but you weren't sure how Leo had reacted. After all, you rushed to the bathroom as soon as Mikey came back from the kitchen.  
You shook your head, as if it would help to clear it of all the thoughts racing through it. You jumped over the back of the couch and landed with a thump next to Leo, who quickly threw a glance in your direction before focusing again on whatever wasn't you. You cleared your throat and leaned forward to look at Mikey.

"So Mikey, how about a new round eh? Bet I'll win this time!"

Mikey and Leo exchanged a look, before Leo turned his head to look at you.

"Actually (Y/N)... I thought maybe the two of us could go grab a cup of coffee. Or tea. Whatever you prefer."

You raised an eyebrow, feeling a knot form in your stomach.

"Okay...?"

The two of you stood up from the couch and went inside the kitchen in silence. You could hear Mikey returning to the game out in the living room. Leo rubbed his neck.

"Coffee or tea?"

"Uhm tea..." You retorted quietly. Did he want to talk about what happened?

Leo began to prepare the beverage, and when it was done, he handed you a steaming cup. You took it and blew on it before taking a small sip. Leo did the same thing. You stood in silence for a while, before Leo let out a sigh.

"So uhm... about what happened a few minutes ago-"

"That was my fault. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable." You sputtered. Leo's eyes fell down to the floor before quickly looking up again.

"Right. I mean no. I mean-" Leo took a deep breath. "It wasn't your fault. I think we just kind of got-"

"Caught in the moment?" You interrupted, giving Leo a sad smile. He nodded.

"Yeah."

You tapped your finger on the cup you were holding and stared at the tea. "It... was nice though."

_Crap_

Why would you say that? Your eyes darted up to meet his. Leo's cheeks were _burning_. It looked kind of cute. You cleared your throat.

"I mean in a sense that, it was nice to you know... have a heart to heart like that." You mumbled, tracing your finger along the rim of the cup before taking another sip. Leo was quiet, but he was smiling. That was a good sign. You chuckled.

"You're a pretty good cuddler too, so it was a win-win I guess."

Leo let out a laugh. The knot in your stomach immediately untied. His laughter proved to be very contagious, as you soon joined in as well.  
After a few moments, you quieted down and shared a look. Leo chuckled.

"I'm glad you think so."

The two of you drank the rest of your tea and put your cups on the counter. Leo crossed his arms.

"So we're cool?"

"Always!" You grinned, stretching out your hand. Leo raised an eyebrow. You rolled your eyes.

"Take my hand."

"(Y/N)-"

You put a finger up and motioned for the blue clad turtle to grab your hand. He made an amused sound and did as he was told. You didn't have much time to think, since Leo pulled you in close as soon as he grabbed your fingers. You let out a yelp, but accepted the embrace. It was very much welcomed. You hugged him tightly and snuggled into his chest.

"Leo." You mumbled into his plastron.

"Hm?"

You huffed and smiled. "Olive you."

"...what?" He tilted his head to the side.

"Nevermind." You snickered.

***

You paced around nervously in the living room, fiddling with your hands non stop. Leo and Raph were both seated on the couch, mindlessly watching as you went back and forth. Mikey was lying on the floor, reading a comic book. You dragged your fingers through your hair.

"What if she doesn't like me?"

"She will."

"But-"

"(Y/N) it'll be fine." Leo assured. You nodded, and stopped walking for the first time in fifteen minutes. But soon enough you were pacing again. Raph cocked an eyebrow.

"What are ya so worried about anyways?"

"I just- I guess I just want her to like me. She is your closest friend after all. Would be kind of inconvenient if we didn't get along." You shrugged, folding your arms over your chest. Mikey looked up from his comic book.

"Don't worry about it angel cakes. April's the coolest! You'll become friends in no time I'm sure of it!" The innocent turtle grinned. You shot him a nervous smile and was about to answer him, when you heard a female voice call out.

"Hey guys!"

You spinned around, and was met with April's smiling face. She looked pretty on tv, but she was even more beautiful in real life. You bit your lip and took a few steps forward, pulling at your sleeve. April stretched out her hand.

"Hi, I'm April. You must be (Y/N)." She greeted with a firm shake of your hand. You nodded.

"Yeah."

April's smile widened a bit and she let go of you.

"It's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you from Leo."

"Y-you have?" You mumbled, looking back at Leo who seemed very flustered. April laughed.

"Don't worry, only good things." She noted while reaching into her bag. "So, Raph said you might need these."

She handed you a pack of cigarettes, which you gladly accepted.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

April crossed her arms and leaned a bit to the side to look behind you. You cocked an eyebrow and peered over your shoulder, only to be faced with a certain orange clad terrapin.

"AH JESUS! Mikey you- don't sneak up on me like that!" You exclaimed. April laughed.

"Hello Mikey."

"Hi April!" He grinned.

The turtles proceeded to greet April as well, with both Splinter and Donnie coming out of their hiding places to say hi too. You went to sit down in the couch and watched everyone in the room interact with April. Your eyes fell upon the cigarette pack in your hands.

"Uhm... does anyone happen to have a lighter?" You asked shaking the little box. Leo shook his head.

"Oh no, you are not smoking in here."

"Well... I sort of need to I haven't done it for a week I'm on the brink of insanity Leo." You joked, but there was a hint of seriousness in your voice. He pursed his lips and looked at Splinter, who's eyes travelled to April. He stroked his beard.

"I suppose, if April wouldn't mind to go with you, you could go above ground for a short time to do what you must." He proposed, shooting April a look. She nodded.

"Sure. It'll give me a chance to get to know the newest addition to our little group."

You smiled and stood up from your seat, walking past the group of people with April following closely behind. When you exited the lair, April took the lead as you had no clue where you were going.

Not too soon after leaving the turtles home, you and April made your way out a manhole out into an alleyway. You reached for the pack of cigarettes you had placed in the pocket of your hoodie and swiftly took one out, placing it in between your lips. In that moment, you remembered that you didn't have a lighter.

"Shit." You muttered.

"Here, this might be of use." April said, searching around in her bag. She pulled out a lighter and handed it to you. You uttered a thank you, which was kind of hard with a cigarette stuck in your mouth, but nontheless she heard and retorted with a gentle smile. You lit up your cigarette and motioned for April to take back the lighter. She shook her head.

"Ah no, keep it. I bought it for you after all." She lilted. You blinked and looked down at the item in your hand.

"You... bought it for me?"

"Yeah. I don't smoke and I figured you didn't have one so..." She shrugged. You beamed.

"Thanks. Again."

"No problem. Again."

You stood in silence for a while, and you proceeded to take a few deep breaths. God did it feel good to have a smoke. It was a definite stress reliever. You frowned a bit. You knew smoking was bad. You'd have to quit eventually.

"But not today..." You mumbled. April raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?"

"Oh sorry I was just talking to myself."

The silence came back, and you looked over at April who seemed to be stealing glances of you. You leaned against the wall behind you. The brunette did as well.

"So..." She began quietly. "How long will you be staying with the guys?"

"A week at the most." You bit your lip. "Does... does it bother you?"

"Does what bother me?"

"That... I'm living with them? Know about them or... I dunno..."

April's eyes widened a bit.

"No no, it doesn't. I think it's great!" She mused. You raised an eyebrow.

"What? How so?"

April shrugged.

"Well, first of it's... honestly kind of nice to have another girl know about them. Don't know why I think that but I do." She simpered. "And it's good for the guys. And for Splinter."

"What do you mean?"

"I think it gets boring for them to only have familiar faces around all the time. You might spice things up a bit for all of them and I think that's good for their well-being. Plus they have the company of someone who isn't a family member and that's gotta' be a nice change of enviroment for them."

"You're all considered family?" You tilted your head to the side. April snickered.

"Ah well maybe not Casey and Vern but... I'm pretty much family to them. The only family they have besides each other." She crossed her arms. You took another whiff of your cigarette and let the smoke seep through your slightly parted lips. April smirked.

"So how are you getting along with everyone? I assume Mikey and Splinter have accepted you with open arms?"

"Yeah you could say that." You smiled, thinking of how quickly Mikey warmed up to you. April cocked her head upwards to look at the afternoon sky.

"What about Donnie and Raph?"

"Donnie and I get along. I don't get what he's talking about half of the time but he's cool." You threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. April glanced at you.

"And Raph?"

You turned your head. Raphael. You weren't sure yet. He was nice and you did enjoy spending time with him but...

"I don't know. We're cool but, I guess I mostly hang out with Mikey and Leo." You pursed your mouth. "Then again it's only been two days so it's a little hard to make up any permanent opinions yet."

April nodded and let her gaze travel back up into the sky. You bit your lip and thought back on what she had said earlier.

"You said... Leo talked about me?"

"Huh? Oh yeah the other day when he and Mikey came by my place to help me with some stuff. He told me that they had a guest who were staying with them. A close friend of his, as he put it." She smirked. "Mikey said you were his girlfriend."

You almost choked on your own saliva.

"W-what?"

"That was pretty much Leo's reaction too." She laughed. "In any case, he talked a lot about you."

You felt a blush creep onto your face and turned your head to look in another direction. April noticed this, and her lips curved into a devilish smile.

"He seems very attatched to you." She noted. You hummed.

"Yeah we're... pretty close."

"I'm glad."

"Why?"

"Leo... doesn't really have anyone to confide in. Sure Splinter is his dad and he speaks to him about a lot of things but hardly everything. He doesn't talk to me or his brothers about private matters a lot either, so I think it's good he has another option. You."

April sighed.

"Leo is strong, but he carries too much weight by himself. He thinks he needs to do everything on his own, despite talking about teamwork, because he wants what's best for everyone. He always put others before himself, and I think that tears him down a bit." She paused. "He's honest about most things, but rarely about his feelings."

You suddenly felt really bad. All this time Leo was looking out for you, but you never really bothered to check if _he_ was okay. April went up to the manhole cover and moved it.

"You ready to head back?"


	11. Chinese Dinner and A Man Named Casey Jones

"So you live on your own?"

"Yeah. When I was younger there was this stray cat that used to come by because I almost always had some food on me, but one day he got run over by a car. I saw it from my window."

"That's... kinda depressing."

"Yeah." You shrugged.

You and April had been talking about this and that on your way back to the lair, and from your point of view, you were getting along nicely. You shoved your hands in your pockets and kicked a lonely pebble on the ground.

"What about you? I'm guessing you live alone too?"

"Yep, but I used to have a roomate. She uhm... she moved out." April laughed nervously. You raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Ah well a woman babbling about six feet tall, talking turtles with ninja weapons... tend to scare people off."

"Yeah I get that." You laughed.

You and April entered the lair, and before you had a chance to settle-

"Jeez what took you so long?!" Mikey exclaimed loudly jumping in front of you and April. You let out a loud yelp and stumbled into the wall.

"MIKEY WHAT THE FRICKITY FRACKITY FUCK!"

Mikey stood still for a moment, his eyes observing you, before he started to howl with laughter. Your mouth fell open in mock hurt and you walked up to him, trying to push him but miserably failing.

"You suck Mikey."

The orange clad turtle slowly but surely calmed down and ruffled your hair.

"I know you love me angelcakes."

"Right. I love a guy I've known for two days. Tag it down a notch my dude." You joked, nudging his arm.

You and Mikey exchanged a few more words, before his attention was turned to April. As the two got deeper into their conversation, you decided to join Leo and Raph on the couch.  
You swiftly walked over to them, adding an over dramatic tone to your voice as you spoke.

"So what are you fine gentlemen up to?

Raph and Leo exchanged a look, and Leo shifted in his seat to face you.

"You seem to be in a good mood."

"Hmm well cigarettes will do that." You shrugged. Leo squinted at you, making you rub your neck in a guilty matter.

"Sorry I promise I'll quit... eventually."

Leo smirked and he let out an amused huff. You grinned and plopped down between the two brothers on the couch.

"I'm beat."

"You haven't done anything today (Y/N)." Leo questioned. You crossed your arms and snorted rather dramatically.

"Uhm that is not true my good sir! I have actually been working out today!" You mused proudly. Leo's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Huh? When?"

"Earlier when you were meditating with Splinter, Raph taught me how to throw a good punch. It was actually a lot of fun." You beamed. Leo glanced at Raph.

"Oh. Well... yeah maybe it's good you learn a few tricks." Leo noted. You hummed.

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to training with Raph."

Raph turned his head slowly.

"What."

"Well you said we might spar in the future right?"

"Uh well I didn't- I mean..." Raph sputtered, rubbing his neck awkwardly. Your smile faded.

"You... did mean that right? I was looking forward to it." You mumbled, looking straight into Raph's eyes. His gaze was filled to the brim with guilt and he began to mutter quietly to himself.

"Y-yeah. Of course." He smirked, his voice gaining confidence. "I'm just worried ya' won't be able to handle it. It's gonna be tough ya' know."

You grinned. "Yeah I know."

Leo observed you and Raphael with blank eyes. He wasn't sure why, but this whole conversation you were having made him feel weird. He wasn't angry, but he wasn't exactly happy either. He bit the inside of his cheek.

"You know you can always train with-"

"Hey is anyone else hungry?" Mikey interrupted. April sat down in one of the arm chairs.

"Yeah I'm starving. Wanna get chinese? I can call Casey to pick it up for us."

***

"So none of you guys knew about her?"

"No."

"Who would have thought you were keeping secrets like that Leo?"

You were not prepared to meet another person today. Especially not a guy packed on adrenaline. Who was this man? Casey Jones. A man who you found kind of obnoxious and annoying. Also he was a cop. Great. But even so, he had this charm to him that you couldn't really ignore. He was still annoying though.  
Casey pointed at you with his chopsticks, trying to speak despite his mouth being filled with rice.

"So what's your deal (Y/N)? Mikey said you're a bit of a criminal." Casey laughed. You squinted at him.

"I'm under the protection of a blue clad super hero so don't try to take me in, he will fight you."

Mikey laughed and nudged Casey in the side.

"Served!"

"Do you know what that means?" Casey asked with a deadpan expression. Mikey grinned.

"She got you and she got you goooood."

"It wasn't a burn Mikey."

"I dunno I think it was pretty good." April chimed in, laughter laced in her voice. You patted Leo's arm.

"Protect me from the copper Leo I don't want to go to jail. Again."

"What."

"Nothing."

Casey smirked and took a bite out of his food.

"Don't worry. You're a part of our group of misfits now, and we gotta' protect our own."

"Well I'm grateful for that. Honestly, when I found out you were a cop I uh... got nervous to say the least." You admitted, rubbing your neck. Casey chuckled.

"Yeah I get that. But no need to worry. Like I said, you're one of us, so I won't take you in for anything. Unless you like, murder someone I guess."

You smiled, letting out a hearty laugh. It was a pleasant dinner. Something that was a very rare experience for you. But this was different from just eating with either Abi or Leo. It felt... warm. Was this what having a real family dinner was like? You guessed so. Everyone was happily chatting about everything and nothing, Splinter showing clear interest in what the brothers had been doing in their spare time, and how work was going for April and Casey. You smiled softly. You could get used to this.

***

"It was so nice to meet you (Y/N)." April simpered, handing you a piece of paper. You unfolded it, and raised an eyebrow.

"Is this your phone number?"

April nodded.

"Yeah. Casey's on there too. You know, in case you need to get a hold of us."

"Thanks."

"No worries." April beamed, turning to the brothers.

"Well, me and Casey better be going. It's getting late."

Leo nodded and gave April a quick hug.

"Yeah. See you guys soon."

You watched as the brothers and Splinter said their goodbyes. After April and Casey left, Splinter retreated to his room, and you and the guys just kind of collapsed in the living room.

"Jeez..." You muttered, bringing a pillow to your face. Leo chuckled.

"You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine I'm just... there's been so many impressions and meetings over the past few days and I feel a bit overwhelmed." You mumbled into the pillow. Donnie adjusted his glasses.

"Understandable. You must be exhausted."

You removed the pillow and sat up, sharing a smile with the turtles.

"I am but... just relaxing with you guys kind of gives me my energy back." You beamed.

"Aw angelcakes you're too sweet!" Mikey lilted.

You smirked at his compliment, soon falling onto your back once again.

"Well... this couch is my bed for a few more days, and I'm getting tired, so you guys are gonna have to leave." You stated as a matter of factly. Mikey raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Because she won't be able to sleep otherwise ya dimwit." Raph grumbled, shooting his brother an annoyed look. You held up an arm and waved a finger.

"Ding ding ding! Raph wins." You mused. Mikey made an 'oh' sound and quickly got to his feet.

"Well then! I will go read comics in my room."

The orange clad turtle didn't get far, as his older brother stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Hold on Mikey. We didn't go on patrol yesterday, therefore I would like us to go today." Leo noted. All of his brothers let out a simultaneous groan. You raised an eyebrow at the group, before quickly checking the time on your phone.

"Now? But it's like really late. Shouldn't you guys go to sleep? I'm sure the city will be fine for another night without you up there. Right?"

Leo's mouth formed into a thin line, and it was as if he was debating on whether he should let everyone rest up for another night, or go out anyway. Mikey crossed his arms.

"Listen to the lady Leo."

You threw Leo a look, and he let out a sigh. You huffed.

"You all clearly need some sleep. Besides, Raph said this was your day off from training, so why not let it be a day off from... superhero business...? C'mon, you should all go get some rest."

Leo sighed once again and nodded.

"Alright. We'll take tonight off from out 'superhero business'." He decided with a smirk. Mikey did a victory gesture, and soon began to march in the direction to his room.

"Night (Y/N)!"

"Night Mikey." You retorted with a smile. Donnie let out a yawn.

"I'm gonna go ahead and leave as well then." He mumbled as he got up and started heading for his lab. You squinted.

"Don't fall asleep in there Donnie!"

"I shouldn't make promises I can't keep (Y/N)."

"Just looking out for you buddy." You declared. Donnie chuckled, and said good night before shutting the door to the lab.

You let your gaze travel over to Leo and Raph.

"Well? Are you two going to leave or...?"

Leo cleared his throat.

"Actually, I want to talk to you before we all go to sleep... in private." He added, shooting Raphael a look. His brother pursed his lips and let out a huff, and soon enough he was walking towards his room.

"Goodnight Raph!" You exclaimed, earning a glance and a small smile from the turtle. You propped yourself up on your elbows, turning your eyes to Leo.

"What's up? Is it about our previously mentioned meditation thingy we're supposed to do tomorrow?"

"No, but I hope you're still up for it." Leo chuckled. You gave him a lopsided grin.

"Totally!"

"I'm glad to hear that." He mumbled, smiling softly before continuing;

"But that wasn't what I wanted to talk about."

"Then what was it?" You asked, curiosity peeking. Leo rubbed his neck.

"I uhm... I was wondering if you'd like to move into my room?"

You blinked.

"Huh? Like, sleep in your bed?"

"N-no! I uh... after my meditating session with Splinter earlier I found an old matress just laying around. I was thinking that maybe you wanted to sleep on that instead of the couch." He mumbled. You felt heat rise to your cheeks.

"S-sure... but uh... won't you mind? Having me in there I mean?"

Leo shrugged and looked down at the floor.

"No...?"

"You hesitated." You smirked. Leo's eyes widened, and you gave him a playful nudge.

"I'm just busting your balls. If it's okay with you, I'd like to sleep on a matress. Plus... it would feel better not to be out here alone..." You mumbled. Leo smiled softly.

"Alright then. Care to help me move that matress?"


	12. Pathetic

"Leo."

Silence.

"Leeeooo..."

Nothing.

"Leee-"

"(Y/N) it's not that hard. Just take a deep breath and close your eyes. Like this." The blue clad turtle instructed without opening his eyes.

You huffed. Like you had agreed the day before, you and Leo had gotten up early to do the meditation session before the brothers began their training.

It wasn't a lot of fun.

Well, not to say that you didn't find it peaceful. The first ten minutes. After that you zoned out and became bored. On top of that, you were extremely tired, so you nearly fell asleep instead.

When you and Leo had decided that you would move into his room the previous night, you had both gone to get that matress Leo had been talking about, and sweet jesus did it take you guys a while to get that thing through Leo's doorway. Longer than you cared to admit.  
When you had finally settled, you and Leo had spent a long time talking and in turn you went to sleep a lot later than you thought you would. Safe to say you were exhausted.

You pursed your lips and tried again, placing your palms on your knees, back straight and body relaxed. You took a deep breath through your nose and closed your eyes.

...

...

...

"Leo."

"Oh my god."

You opened your eyes, snorting in amusement. You knew his annoyance was far from genuine. It was obvious he was trying to not laugh at you. His mouth always twitched a bit when he tried to contain it. You hummed.

"Sorry Leo. Guess I'm not cut out for this kind of thing. Peace and tranquility isn't really my deal."

"I am aware." He chuckled. "But... I think you just need to find the right... something."

You raised an eyebrow.

"Wow okay. I shall find this 'right something' and become a meditation master." You proclaimed, raising a fist in the air. Leo laughed sarcastically.

"You know what I mean."

"Actually I don't." You grinned, your body going into a slouching position. "C'mon Leo help me over here."

"Maybe you should just try harder." He said as a matter of factly. You gave him a shit eating grin.

"Nah."

The blue clad turtle let out a determined huff.

"All right. Here let me show you how to do it right."

"Leo what are you- ah!"

You let out a yelp as Leo positioned himself right next to you, placing one hand on your chest and the other one on the lower part of your back. He delivered some slight pressure, forcing your body to go back into the straight posture it had been in before.

"You need to sit straight. It aches a bit now but it'll pass in a few minutes."

You felt heat rise to your cheeks, and you did as you were told. What was with Leo all of a sudden? He usually gave up when the two of you joked around like that because of your annoyingly intentional, laid back attitude. He usually wasn't this... demanding? Was that the right word? You weren't sure.

Leo moved his hands and put them over yours.

"Keep the placement of your hands steady." He mumbled, leaning in a bit closer.

"Leo-"

"Silence is key in meditation. Silence and focus. Close your eyes."

You nodded slowly, following his instructions. You took a deep breath through your nose, and let it escape back out through your mouth. Leo nodded.

"Good. Sit like that for a while."

"Yes sir." You chuckled, a smirk playing on your lips. You could hear Leo shuffle a bit, and you figured he got back into position as well.

You sat like that for at least thirty minutes, completely still and silent. It was weird, because you could feel your body going stiff but at the same time relaxing completely. Aside from that, it was nice. But it was getting tiring to keep quiet. Plus your back started to hurt. You didn't have the best posture and sitting like this was really taking it's toll. You decided to open your eyes, and as soon as you did so, your eyes landed on Leo who was sitting right in front of you still meditating. That didn't last very long though.

"So we're done already?"

You let out a quiet laugh and put your hands on the floor, resting on your palms.

"Yeah I think so."

"See, I knew you could do it." He smiled.

"Yeah. I don't know why you just didn't give up on me." You joked, some seriousness hidden in your voice. Leo's smile faded and he tilted his head to the side.

"Why would I do that?"

You raised your eyebrows at his response, not really expecting him to question what you had said. Your gaze fell to the floor, letting a chuckle devoid of any happiness escape you.

"Everyone does eventually."

Your eyes travelled back up to Leo.

"Sorry. I know you'd never do that I just... I guess I get scared sometimes." You mubled. Leo's eyebrows furrowed.

"Scared?"

"Yeah."

"Of what?"

"You leaving." You admitted, avoiding his gaze.

"(Y/N) I would never leave you."

You let your face crack up into a sad smile.

"I know. " You croaked, fiddling with your fingers. "You mean a lot to me Leo. I want you to know that."

Leo didn't have a lot of time to process what you had said before you got to your feet, dusting off the dirt from your pants.

"I'm gonna go grab something to eat and... let you guys work out in peace."

Leo nodded, still a little baffled.

"Y-yeah. I'm... gonna stay here and prepare the training session." He mumbled, rubbing his neck. You smiled.

"See you later then." You hastily said, making you way out into the main area of the lair.

You quickly made your way back to Leo's room to pick up your phone, and began writing an update text for Abigail. The earlier the better. You'd have to call her soon. You felt bad for keeping her in the dark, but it was for the best.

You went outside once again, keeping your eyes on your phone as your fingers swiped across the scene. Of course since you are a klutz and didn't look where you were going-

**THUD**

"Ah...!"

You let out a little yelp and stumbled backwards. Despite loosing your balance and expecting to fall, you never did. Instead you felt a hand latch itself onto your wrist.

"Woah look where yer' going."

You blinked and looked up, your eyes meeting the familiar golden, green orbs of Raphael. You let out a small laugh.

"Sorry. Didn't pay attention to my surrondings."

"Clearly." He said flatly. You smirked, earning a lopsided grin in return.

Your eyes travelled down to his hand, which was still firmly holding onto your wrist. You raised an eyebrow and looked back up at him.

"You can let go now."

"Yeah? What if ya fall?"

You snorted.

"Are you worried about me Raph? Wow. I never got the impression you would worry about someone you barely know." You hummed.

As if your words flicked a switch, he let go of you immediately.

"Don't be stupid. It's just that Leo's gonna kill me if ya get hurt and I saw it. He'd blame me for it."

You chuckled and crossed your arms, peering over at the dojo.

"Well then I'd hit him on the head and say it wasn't your fault."

"Right. Ya do that while I go hide."

" _You_ hide? Nah I don't think so."

"Leo can be pretty scary when he wants to."

"Again, I don't think you would hide." You chuckled. "And I refuse to believe Leo scares you in any way."

Raph smirked and put his hands up in a surrending manner.

"Ya got me."

You smiled, feeling a warm sensation rush through your body. Raph always seemed like such a distant person, and from what you knew about him he usually didn't warm up to people this fast. It made you happy to see that wasn't the case with you.

You huffed and let your arms fall to your sides.

"Welp I was just about to grab some breakfast so I'll be on my way. Leo's in the dojo."

"Figures." He mumbled. "Hey about our uh... planned training...?"

"What about it?" You asked, tilting your head to the side. Raph rubbed his neck.

"I uh... was wondering if ya would want to do one later today? A session that is."

"Today?" You retorted, your eyes widening. Raph shrugged.

"Might as well get started soon right? But uh, I can't promise I'll be the best teacher." He admitted. You smiled.

"No worries. I'm sure you'll do great. I'm looking forward to it!" You exclaimed, giving him a thumbs up. Raph's mouth cracked up into a smirk.

"Right."

***

_"Good morning everyone, this is April O'Neil reporting live from Meatpacking District where an assault took place last night-"_

You turned up the volume at the mention of your home. It was no surprise that something had happened over there. You wondered what had caused it. Probably drugs.  
You leaned back into the couch and took a sip of your tea, watching with mild interest as April talked about the assault.

_"A few witnesses claimed the fight had started when a drug deal went off the rails."_

"I knew it." You mumbled.

"Good morning (Y/N)."

You turned your head to the source of the sound, your gaze landing on Splinter. You gave him a little nod.

"Morning."

"I heard you and Leonardo would meditate today." He noted, sitting down next to you on the couch. You hummed.

"Yeah we did it earlier before the guys started their training."

"What did you think of it?" He asked, looking at you with his warm eyes. You looked down at your tea, then back at him.

"It was nice. But uh... my back hurts a little. Plus I couldn't really hold it for long. I don't have a very long attention span." You admitted, bringing the cup to your lips. Splinter chuckled.

"Well I'm glad you found it enjoyable for a short time. Meditation can be very helpful when one is stressed or needs to think things over." He remarked, voice warm. You put the cup down on the table, and brought your knees up to your chest.

"I'm not very good at that either. Calming myself down I mean." You mumbled, staring at the tv. Splinter's nose twitched a bit.

"How so?"

Your mouth formed into a thin line. Were you really going to tell him? He said you could speak to him about anything that bothered you but...

"I... do things when I'm stressed... or well... I'm more than stressed but... the point is I do things."

Splinter furrowed his eyebrows, worry clearly present in his expression.

"What kind of things?"

You bit your lip and looked down at the floor.

"I uh... nevermind. I shouldn't weigh you down with my problems. Sorry." You quickly said, flashing the rat a smile. You really didn't want to tell someone you barely knew about this. Maybe he would tell Leonardo. At the same time... never speaking to anyone about it was frustrating. Splinter placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Remember that my offer still stands (Y/N). You can always speak to me if something is wrong."

You nodded, your smile becoming a bit more genuine. Splinter returned your nod and stood up from his seat, making his way over to the kitchen. You sighed. You really were pathetic.


	13. Old Habits Die Hard

"Okay but like... no?"

"Yes."

"No."

"C'mon ya can do it. It ain't that hard."

"Easy for you to say, six foot tall ninja turtle."

You stared in disbelief at Raph who was gesturing to the weights. You shook your head in a determined matter.

"I can't lift that. It's to heavy. Besides, I thought we would be sparring or something?"

Raph smirked and nodded in the direction of your arms.

"Look, I know that it might not be the most interesting part of training. But ya gotta build muscle before you can start punching stuff. That includes me."

You let out an amused sound and threw your hands up in defeat.

"Alright, I'll give it a shot..."

Raph lifted the weight and handed it to you. As soon as he let go, your let out a grunt of disproval. As you suspected, this thing was way to heavy for you. With pleading eyes, you looked back up at Raph.

"I'm gonna break my arm."

Raph huffed and rolled his eyes. 

"No ya won't. Quit whining already."

You sighed, pursing your lips and began to move your arm up and down. Raph nodded.

"Not so hard right?"

You only let out a grunt and switched arm. This went on for a while, before you started to feel how your arms were betraying you. You quickly placed the weight on the floor and sat down. Raph crossed his arms.

"What'dya think yer doing?"

"My arms hurts."

"So?"

"Can I take a break?"

"No. You wanna learn? Get back on yer feet and suck it up."

You looked up at him with blank eyes.

"Raph this is the first time _ever_ I'm doing something like this. I'm sorry if I can't do things as fast as you or the others."

Raph sighed and nodded, as if to show he approved of you taking a break.

"I'll get ya some water."

You crossed your legs, rubbing your arms. You hissed when you came in contact with your cuts. You had almost forgotten about them. You moved your sleeve and studied the lines. They were starting to heal. You picked a bit at the scabs, peeling away a few pieces that were about to fall off.

"Yuck..." You muttered, pulling your sleeve back down.

"Here ya go."

You turned around when you heard Raphael's voice, and grabbed the waterbottle he was holding. 

"Thanks." You retorted, opening the cap. You brought the bottle to your lips and began drinking the cold liquid.

Raph let out a little sigh and went over to a little box standing in a corner. While closing the waterbottle, you curiously peered over at what he was doing. He grabbed something white from the box, and turned around.

"Ya said you liked boxing last time we were in here."

Your eyes widened and you nodded vigorously, putting the bottle down.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I figured since you'll probably keep on whining if I make ya lift weights, maybe ya should do something ya actually enjoy."

You beamed and quickly got to your feet, dusting off your pants. Raph stood still for a while, as if he was trying to decide what to do with the bandages. You shot him a questioning look.

"What?"

"Do ya think ya can put 'em on yourself this time or do I need to help ya again?"

Your mouth formed into an 'o' and you awkwardly rubbed your arm.

"I uh... if you want you can help me?"

"That settles it then." He said, a smirk playing on his lips.

You held out your hand, and let Raph wrap the bandages around your hands. You felt a smile making it's way onto your face, as you noticed the intense feeling of déjà-vu rush over you. As Raph moved over to your other hand, you let your eyes wander up to his face.

"Hey Raph..."

"Hm?"

"Why did you agree on doing this with me?"

"What?"

"I'm just curious."

Raph let go of your hand, his eyes scanning your features as if he was trying to figure out something to say. You shook your head slightly, as if to ask 'well'? The red clad turtle rubbed his neck and shrugged.

"I ain't too sure if I'm gonna be honest. Maybe I felt like wanted to help ya out in some way. The others have." He said dismissively. Your eyes widened at his words. Help you out... because the others had?

You didn't have much time to process his statement before Raph shrugged the whole thing off.

"Ya wanna start or...?"

You cleared your throat and nodded hesitantly.

"Yeah."

***

**"You okay? You're kind of quiet?"**

You blinked a few times, snapping out of your train of thought.

"I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired."

 **"Tired?"** She asked, disbelief clear in her voice. You sighed.

"I don't know Abi I... I'm a little out of it today."

**"How so?"**

You looked up at the sky, watching as the clouds became darker and thicker. You had been given permission to go above ground to take a smoke, as long as you stayed in the alleway. On the way there Abigail had called you to check up on you. Easy to say you were feeling down. Maybe it was because the training with Raphael earlier that day really had taken it's toll on you. You weren't sure.

**"(Y/N)?"**

"I miss home."

There was a silence.

**"Home?"**

"I know I've only been here for like three days but... I miss home. I miss being by myself. The only time I'm alone is when I'm in the bathroom."

**"They still won't let you leave?"**

"No. It's for my own safety, I'm still in a vulnerable spot."

Before Abi had time to say anything else, you felt your phone buzz.

"Hold on a sec."

Looking at the display, you saw a text from Leo asking you to get back to the lair. You sighed, putting your cigarette out.

"I need to go, but I'll talk to you soon okay?"

**"Alright... bye."**

"Bye."

You shut your phone off and crouched, preparing to lift the manhole cover, but you stopped yourself. You knew what you were about to do was selfish, but you really needed it. You stood back up, pulled the hood over your head and started walking out of the alleway.

It wasn't a particularly beautiful day to go for a walk, and rain was bound to come, but you could already feel the relief. It felt so good to just be by yourself. You let your eyes travel over the street, and your eyes fell on the convienience store up ahead. As you began walking towards it, you contemplated whether you should do this or not, but as soon as you stepped inside you decided that, yeah I'm going to do it.

It was surprisingly empty, and the cashier was not even by the desk. You smirked, immediately realizing this would be easy. Within a minute or two you had snatched several items, and were on your way out, when the door to the back suddenly flung open.

"Hey!"

Your mouth formed into a thin line, realizing you had been caught. You let out a grunt and started to run, unaware that the clerk had contacted the cops.

***

"She should've been back by now."

"Leo chill, she's probably on her way."

"Mikey I texted her twenty minutes ago. It doesn't take that long for someone to get from where she was to here."

Mikey shrugged and turned back to the tv. Leo sighed.

"What if something's happened to her?"

"What if something's happened to who?"

Leo turned around, facing his younger brother in red. Leo folded his arms over his chest.

"(Y/N). She hasn't come back yet."

Raph raised an eyebrow.

"So? She can take care of herself. She seems pretty capable of doing so."

"Training with her once isn't enough to know whether she can defend herself or not. Besides, you barely know her."

"True, but I know she ain't weak." Raph noted, walking past his brother to sit down on the couch. Leo narrowed his eyes a bit, picked up his phone and dialed your number, hoping to get an answer. He had texted, but to no avail. The signals went by, but no one picked up. He took a deep breath, feeling the uneasiness grow. Just before putting down his phone, it started ringing. Without wasting a second he answered, not even bothering to see who it was.

"(Y/N)?"

**"No it's me."**

"Oh, April."

**"Look I know where she is."**

"Yeah?"

**"But uh... it's not exactly good."**

"What do you mean?"

As soon as the tone of Leo's voice shifted, he caught his brothers' attention. April hummed into the phone.

**"Well... she's... at the police station."**

"What?"

**"Casey called. He said he got a report of someone stealing from a store a few blocks away. Turns out that someone was (Y/N)."**

Leo sighed and put his hand to his forehead.

"Jesus..."

**"Casey is gonna try to get her out."**

"...thanks April."

**"No worries Leo. I'll talk to you later."**

"Yeah."

After hanging up, the blue clad turtle groaned in annoyance. Mikey and Raph shared a look, before the youngest began to speak.

"What happened?"

"She got arrested."


	14. Safe

"What were you thinking?!"

"What? I'm not allowed to go for a walk?!"

"No you're not! And what was the idea with shoplifting huh?! What if Casey hadn't been the one to pick you up?!"

You glared at the blue clad turtle who was staring your down, poison in his gaze. He was mad, no doubt about it, and you couldn't exactly blame him. Nonetheless, you were probably equally mad.

"Did you even stop to think about how much danger you put yourself in?!"

When you didn't answer, Leo placed his fingers on the bridge of his nose., letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Look I... you can't... do that. Okay?"

"Whatever."

"No it's not whatever (Y/N)!" Leo exclaimed angrily, taking a step closer to you. You turned away your gaze, arms folded over your chest. You honestly didn't have anything to say. You knew what you had done was wrong, but the stubborness inside you just refused to let him have the last word.

Stupid

"Well maybe I didn't have to go for a walk of I didn't feel so fucking smothered."

"Maybe you wouldn't feel so smothered if you weren't so bad at adapting."

"Bad at adapting?! I went down here because I thought it would be the best thing to do, not because I thought I had to adapt!"

"And what did you expect? That you could just go on like you did in your home? That's not how things work here (Y/N)! If you're so bent on having things the way you want, why don't you just go back home?!"

"Maybe I will! You'd want that, wouldn't you?!"

"At least I wouldn't have to tiptoe around an adult woman who can't get her life together!"

Ouch

You stared in disbelief at Leo, unable to process what he had just said. Neither could his brothers or Casey, who had been in the background watching your fight ever since mr hockeystick had brought you back.

Feeling tears form in the corners of your eyes, you started to blink, trying to get them to disappear. It didn't help much. Before long, Leo seemed to understand what had just occured, and his gaze filled up to the brim with guilt. The collected older brother rarely got this mad, nor did he lash out like that.

You angrily wiped away the tears away, looked up at him and nodded.

"Fine. You want me gone, I'm gone."

And with those words you were out the door.

***

With slow steps you entered your apartment, everything looking about the same as it did when you left. It was a miracle no one had broken in and stolen anything.  
You sighed and sat down on your couch, searching for the remote to your tv. When you didn't find it you let out an angry sound and ruffled your hair in frustration. Grabbing the only pillow you owned, you screamed loudly into it before throwing it across the livingroom. At this point all you felt was anger. Nothing else. You were angry at Leo, at yourself, at everything.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

Practically deflating, you fell onto your back and stared up at the ceiling. Anger was usually a short lived feeling for you, and this time didn't seem any different. You felt how your rage slowly washed away, only to be replaced with sorrow and anxiety. Within a few seconds tears were streaming down your face, and your breath hitched as soon as you tried to fill your lungs with air. It didn't take long before you were full out crying, ugly sobs escaping you. Not that you cared, you were the only one who could hear it.

"Why am I so fucking stupid? Stupid stupid stupid." You mumbled, digging your nails into your scalp. It hurt, but not enough. You had to get rid of this pain. You had to get rid of these feelings.

Looking over at your bathroom, you got up and walked over there, opening the cabinet as soon as you came inside. You pulled out the shiny item, letting it rest in your hand before you plopped down on the floor and rolled up your sleeves. You picked it up with your left hand, clenched your right, and placed the tiny blade on your skin. The past cuts had yet to heal, and you knew it would make it more painful, but you didn't care. Anything to remove these other feelings stirring inside you, making you rot. You didn't want to be sad, you didn't want to be angry. You didn't want to feel anything.

You took a short breath through your nose and quickly moved your left hand. It took a moment, but soon enough small trickles of blood appeared. Watching them run down your skin, you made another cut. And another, and another, and another. You put the blade down, removed your sweater and pants, and made more cuts all over.

When you were done, you placed tissues all over yourself to soak up whatever excessive blood that had poured out of you. You always felt a sting of regret after doing it, but the physical pain was preferred over the mental one. Letting out a sigh, you stood up and put your pants back on, grabbed your sweater and went out to the livingroom. Leo had yet to show up, meaning he either expected you to apologize first, or he felt the need to let you cool down before he came over. Nonetheless, you weren't exactly in the mood of seeing him right now. You just wanted to be alone, but you knew he would come here eventually.  
You picked up your phone and scrolled through your contacts. You stopped scrolling at Abi's number. Should you? You didn't want to worry her. Plus, you couldn't exactly tell her the whole story. You decided not to call her, and scrolled a little bit further until you stopped again. This time at April's number. Would it be weird to call the woman you had only met once to talk about this? Maybe, but she was the only one who would understand.  
Taking a deep breath, you pressed the number and placed the phone to your ear. The signals didn't go on for long, as you soon heard her voice on the other end of the line.

**"(Y/N)?"**

"Hey."

**"You okay?"**

"Yeah, or well... not really. I don't know. Have you talked to Leo?"

**"No? What's going on?"**

"It might be easier if I explain in person. And... I kind of need someone to talk to. Can I come over to your place? Only if it's okay with you, I don't want to bother you."

**"No no you won't! Of course you can come over! I was just about to order some food, so how about I do that, you come over and we talk. Just the two of us?"**

"Yeah... sounds good. Thanks..."

**"No problem! I'll text you my adress."**

***

"He really said that? Wow... I never thought he would say something so... cruel."

You shrugged and slurped on the ramen noodles neatly placed in your lap. April sighed.

"Has he called you yet?"

Shaking your head, April hummed and leaned back into her seat.

"Well, I think you both need some time to process this. You don't fight very often right?"

"No. We've never had a fight like this."

"Figures. I'm guessing your little trip to the precinct is what set him off. When I called him about it he seemed pretty annoyed."

You placed the bowl of food on the table and dragged your fingers through your hair.

"Yeah. I barely took one step inside of the lair before he just kind of... exploded. But then again... it's not only his fault. It's mine too. I was the one who messed up, just because I can't keep track of myself." You mumbled. April's face fell, and she placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

"Don't worry. He'll get over it. He never holds grudges."

"I know but... I feel so fucking worthless." You croaked. "Remember what you said to me about being a source of stability and comfort for him? I feel like that's all thrown out the window."

"But it's not."

"I know... but it still feels like it. I know it's stupid."

"It's not stupid (Y/N). You're still all that to him, a fight doesn't change that. You care about each other too much for everything to just end."

At this point you couldn't hold in the tears any longer, and in an effort of comfort April wrapped her arms around you, pulling you in close. She gently began to stroke your back, allowing you to let everything pour out. It felt nice.

It felt safe.


	15. Bandages

Leo was worried to say the least. You hadn't left any trace of where you went. Of course he had checked your apartment, but you weren't there. After that he had called you. And texted you. Multiple times. Despite this you hadn't responded. It didn't surprise him, but as more time went by the more worried he got.

"Ever stopped to think she might not wanna talk to ya after that?"

"Stay out of it Raph."

"I'm just saying."

"No one asked for your opinion."

Raph frowned. For once he actually tried to solve a fight, but if Leo didn't want to hear it, then fuck it. The red clad turtle got up from his spot on the couch and went to his room. Closing the door behind him, he wondered why he even cared that you left. He guessed it was natural, you were in a sensetive spot after all, but it felt like there was more to it. It was like something was eating away at him.

He sat down on his bed, grabbed a magazine and opened it. He couldn't read it. He couldn't concentrate. Standing up again he went back outside and headed to the dojo. Maybe some training would get his mind off of things.

It didn't.

All he could think about was you. He was worried, and he didn't even understand why. Letting out a sigh, his eyes fell to the floor. That was when it struck him. Looking at his wrists, he pursed his mouth. That was the reason. He was afraid you had hurt yourself. Should he tell Leo? He wasn't sure. His gaze travelled to the main area, where Leo was pacing around worriedly, wondering where you could have gone to.

***

"Yeah she's here. She's asleep though. No wonder given how much she cried." April mumbled, leaning her head against the window. After about half an hour of you crying, you had calmed down, and she offered you to sleep at her place. You accepted, and had soon fallen asleep in her bed.

The brunette was now on the phone with Casey, who called as he too had gotten worried after your disappearance.

**"I can't decide if Leo's mad or worried."**

"Probably both. How are the others holding up?"

**"They're pretty shaken up by the fight too. No one is talking to Leo."**

"What about Splinter?"

**"He tried to get through, but Leo's being pretty stubborn. It's so weird. He's acting like Raph."**

April hummed.

"Speaking of Raph, I assume he's pretty neutral about this."

**"I honestly can't tell."**

Casting a glance at her clock, April decided it was time to hang up.

"Hey Casey I gotta go. Tell the others (Y/N)'s safe."

**"Will do."**

"And... if Leo says he's gonna come by... tell him not to. I think (Y/N) needs some time alone."

**"Okay. I'll talk to you later."**

"Yeah, bye."

**"Bye."**

After ending the call, April made her way over to her bedroom door, carefully opening it. She looked inside, her eyes scanning the sleeping figure. The corners of her mouth curved up slightly. It was nice to know you were getting some rest. She closed the door, went back out into the livingroom and plopped down on the couch. It was time for her to go to sleep as well, but before she could close her eyes, the obnoxius sound of a phone ringing had her sitting straight. Looking over at her phone, she realized that it wasn't someone calling her. Someone was calling you.  
She picked up your phone and looked at the display. 'Lameonardo' it said. Figures he would call now that he knew. April pursed her mouth, contemplating whether she should answer or not, eventually deciding to take the call.

"Hi Leo."

**"April?"**

"(Y/N)'s sleeping."

**"Oh."**

"Casey didn't tell you?"

**"He only said that she was at your place. Look, I was gonna come over and apologize but... Casey said I shouldn't."**

"I told him to say that."

**"...why?"**

"I know you want to make up with her as soon as you can Leo, but give her some time to calm herself down first okay?"

After some silence at the other end of the line, she heard a sigh.

**"Okay. Call me when she wakes up tomorrow. I don't have to talk to her, I just want to know she's okay."**

"I will. Good night Leo."

**"Good night."**

***

"So she's at April's place?"

Leo nodded, in turn making Raph do so as well. The red clad turtle knew April had asked Leo not to come, but she hadn't said anything about him. It was stupid, sure, but he wanted to make sure you hadn't hurt yourself.

"I'm gonna go to bed." Leo mumbled, turning his back to Raph. The younger brother waited until Leo had closed the door to his room, before sneaking out of the lair.

***

Looking past his reflection, Raphael saw you sleeping soundly in April's bed. He had changed his mind. Or had he? He wasn't sure. As soon as he had made it to April's apartment, he'd started to feel hesitant. Why was he doing this again? Why did he care so much?

Taking a determined breath, he carefully knocked on the window. When you didn't move he knocked again, this time a little harder, making you stir in your spot. It took a moment, but soon you were sitting up, hair messy and eyes half-closed. Raph felt his mouth cracking up into a small smirk. You looked kind of cute.

Wait

No

He shook his head a bit, and knocked a third time.

Turning your head, all you saw was a dark figure sitting outside the window. You blinked a few times, trying to make out who it was. When you couldn't tell, you threw your legs over the edge of the bed and went up to the window. It was only when you were right by the glass that you saw who it was.

"Raph?" You asked quietly, opening the window to let the turtle inside. After closing it behind him, you shot him a confused look.

"What... what are you doing here?"

"I'm not entirely sure." He admitted, crossing his arms. You raised an eyebrow.

"Okay... did Leo ask you to come here?"

"No."

"So you came on your own?"

"Yeah."

There was a silence, and it was only broken once the red clad turtle cleared his throat.

"Look I uh... just wanted to make sure yer' alright."

Your eyes widened at his statement, and you pulled at your sweaters sleeve.

"I guess."

"Really?"

The sound of disbelief in his voice was hard to miss, making you let out a sigh, your eyes falling to the ground.

"I don't know... I-"

"Did ya hurt yerself?"

That you did not expect. Looking back up at him, you tried to respond, but no words came out. Your lack of words seemed to confirm his suspicion, making him unable to say anything as well. You felt ashamed. You didn't want him to see you like this. Weak and vulnurable, knowing you had done that to yourself. Knowing that you had snapped.  
You expected his eyes to show disappointment, like Leo's did whenever he found out, but they didn't. All that was there was sympathy. The red clad turtle took a step forward.

"Care to show me?"

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. He wanted to see them?

"Why?"

He furrowed his brows. Not in a confused way. In a worried way. Although he didn't speak, you knew his intentions were good. He didn't want to mock you for it, or look at them for the sake of doing so. He wanted to know you were okay. With hesitant movements, you pulled your sweater over your head, leaving your arms exposed.

The sight of your red, and somewhat swollen, striped arms almost made Raph sick. Blood had continued to pour out after you put your hoodie back on, in turn making the red liquid dry up in streaks. The cuts were deep, and none of them had started to heal.

"Does April know?"

"No."

Raphael clenched his jaw and took another step forward.

"Did ya do more besides these?"

"...on my legs..." You retorted quietly. Raph's lips formed into a thin line, and he seemed to try and take in what you were telling him. Before long, he spoke again;

"Are they just as bad?"

"I haven't looked at them but... I'm gonna guess they are." You mumbled.

Raph let his arms fall to his sides, and closed the space between you even more.

"We need to clean 'em. If we don't they could get infected."

You tilted your head to the side. Why did he care so much? As if he could read your mind, the turtle shrugged and rubbed his neck.

"Let's say we're doing this to not let Leo find out. You didn't want that last time."

You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips. Some part of you were happy he cared, even though it made you confused.

***

Since April apparently slept like a rock, getting the stuff you needed wasn't hard. As of the moment you were sitting on her bed with Raph next to you, taking care of the cuts. You were actually kind of impressed at how gentle he was. You didn't expect him to be, given his gruff personality. Don't judge a book by it's cover, you guessed.

Noticing how you observed him, Raph let out an amused huff.

"Thought we talked about staring."

You smirked.

"Want me to stop?"

"Not the point."

"Careful Raph, one might think you actually like me."

"Bold of ya to assume I don't." He retorted. His comment made you look away, a small blush creeping it's way onto your cheeks.

"Who would have thought you were such a smooth talker..." You mumbled, amusement filling you up.

"Who would've thought you'd flirt in a situation like this."

"I'm not flirting!" You whisper yelled, turning your head to look at him.

"Don't move..." Raph muttered. You huffed, relaxing your arm.

"Sorry... I have a habit of joking around to avoid things getting too depressive, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's fine."

There was a moment of silence, and before you had time to think, you opened your mouth again.

"I'm glad you came by."

Raph's movements stopped for a split second before he continued to dab the bactericidal on your arm. He didn't respond, but he didn't have to. You could tell he appreciated your comment.

After bandaging your arm, the two of you moved onto the next one, the silence continuing. You didn't mind it though, it was pleasant in a way. Your eyes travelled to the window, and you let out a sigh. You rarely saw the stars and moon in New York because of the light polution, but tonight they were shining brightly. You didn't even have to turn on the lights because of the moon's strong glow. It was nice.

Raph carefully looked up at you, scanning your features. It was weird. Somehow, despite the circumstances, his heart would just not stop racing. He couldn't tell if it was because the wounds made him feel icky, or, if it was because of you. There was something about you that made him feel unsure. He couldn't tell if it was positive or negative, because it felt like both.

Maybe he was just imagining it.


	16. Morning Texts

The smell of pancakes was what woke you up next morning. Slowly your eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the light seeping through the blinds. You turned your head, and your eyes landed on a small note lying on the nightstand. You exhaled from your nose gently before you reached for the small piece of paper. You unfolded it and read the text, which had obviously been written down in a hurry.

_Sorry I left without saying goodbye. Text me when you wake up._   
_/Raph_

You felt a smile make it's way onto your lips when you read his message, and it only grew wider once you saw that he had left his phone number at the corner of the paper.

Last night had definitely been something. Not only had Raphael helped you with your cuts, but he stayed with you until you fell asleep, talking with you about all kinds of things. Even though you still didn't quite understand why he did it, it really cheered you up.

You put the note back on the nightstand, and laid back down, sinking into the bed. Your eyes travelled to your arms, which were neatly wrapped in bandages. Your legs were wrapped too. You thought he would let you do them by yourself because he wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable, but after he asked you several times if it was okay that he helped with your legs as well, he did them too. It surprised you, so you asked him about it.

_"I want it to be done right."_

That's what he had said. You thought it was sweet, and therefore didn't object. Besides, he probably knew more about treating wounds correctly than you did, so there was that too.

The sound of knocking snapped you out of your train of thought, and your gaze immediately landed on the door. Quickly you placed your entire body under the covers, and your head became the only visible body part.

"Yeah?"

Carefully the door was opened, and April's smiling face peeked through.

"Morning."

"Hey."

"You hungry? I made pancakes."

"Yeah I'll be out in a sec."

After she closed the door, you reached for your hoodie and put it back on to hide the bandages. You also took the note with you, placing it in your pocket.

When you came outside, April was on the phone talking to someone. Not really minding the conversation, you picked up your phone, and took a look at everything you had recieved since last night. A bunch of missed calls and text from Leo, no surprise there, but not a whole lot else. Entering your contacts, you put in Raph's number and sent him a text right away.

(Y/N): 08:30  
Just thought I'd send this to let you know I'm okay

He didn't reply, which you kind of expected. He was probably training with the others at this hour. You put down your phone and went out to the kitchen, where April was still talking. She pointed towards the counter, where a stack of pancakes with syrup and a glass of milk was standing. You shot her a thankful smile, earning a wink in return. You grabbed the food and headed back out to the livingroom, your stomach growling quietly in the process.

April followed you with her gaze for a bit, making sure you were out of earshot before she continued to speak.

"Anyways, she's awake now. She seems fine."

**"Okay. Do you think she'll answer if I text her?"**

"Maybe, I don't know. Look Leo I gotta go, work starts in an hour."

**"Alright. I'll talk to you later."**

"Yeah, bye."

Grabbing her bag and putting on her jacket, April quickly made her way over to you.

"Hey (Y/N) I need to go to work. I'll leave the keys here in case you feel like heading back to your place. Or the lair."

Since your mouth was stuffed with pancakes, all you could do was nod in response. The brunette flashed you a quick smile, before she went out the door. The apartment was now deathly quiet, and you decided to turn on the tv.

After flipping through several channels you decided to go with some cartoons. You needed the positive, dumb humor.

You sat like that for about an hour, just watching cartoons and waiting for Raph to repsond. And, as luck would have it, you heard the sound of a text coming in. Immediately you grabbed your phone and looked at the display.

Raphael: 09:43  
Glad to hear it

Raphael: 09:43  
Btw about last night

(Y/N): 09:44  
What ab it?

Raphael: 09:45  
I hope you felt like it helped

(Y/N): 09:45  
It did. I'm happy you were willing to put up with my bullshit

Raphael: 09:45  
It's not bullshit (Y/N)

Raphael: 09:46  
It's important to talk ab it

Raphael: 09:46  
But tbh, there's more competent shrinks than me

(Y/N): 09:47  
I think you're pretty good

(Y/N): 09:47  
I don't think I would have felt much better if it wasn't for you

When you didn't get a response, you put the phone down, returning your attention to the tv. You hoped he would answer soon, but he didn't. Maybe he got flustered by your comment. Suddenly the phone gave away the familiar notification sound, and you picked it up. However, this time it was not Raph who had texted you. It was Leo. You frowned. You really didn't want to talk to him right now. Despite that, you unlocked your phone, and read the text.

Lameonardo: 09:52  
Hey

You stared at the letters. Should you answer him? You didn't want to, but it would be unfair to leave him hanging. With a determined huff, your fingers began to swipe over the screen.

(Y/N): 09:54  
What do you want?

It didn't take long until you got a response.

Lameonardo: 09:54  
I just want to make sure you're alright

(Y/N): 09:54  
You made sure, now leave me alone

Lamenardo: 09:55  
When are you coming back?

(Y/N): 09:55  
Idk

This time he didn't respond. You felt mean for being so curt, but on the other hand you kind of wanted him to feel a little guilt. It was petty, but you couldn't help it.

Throwing your phone aside, you let out a tired sigh. If you were going to be honest, you wished Raph was still here. Just so that you could have someone to talk to. Donnie or Mikey would do as well, you just didn't want to be alone. Looking at your sleeves, you pulled them upwards a bit, and pursed your lips. It had started to sting really bad, and all you wanted to do was scratch the wounds to get rid of it.

The sudden noise of your phone ringing snapped you back to reality, and you picked it up to answer the call, not bothering to look at the display.

"Hello?"

**"Hey."**

Your eyes widened at the sound of the gruff voice.

"Raph?"

**"Yeah uh... I know we just texted but I just really.... l** **ook are ya really okay?"**

"Y-yeah I'm fine. For now."

**"Alright uh... bye."**

You didn't have much time to answer before he hung up. You looked at your phone quizzically. What just happened?

***

Raph could not believe what he just did. He called you. Why? And what was even the words that had exited his mouth? He probably sounded like an idiot. Wait why did it even matter? It didn't, so why did it bother him?

With an annoyed sigh Raphael tilted his head backwards and looked up at the ceiling. Soon enough, the sight of his older brother filled up his vision.

"What are you doing?"

"What's it to ya?"

Leo rolled his eyes, and went to sit down next to Raph.

"(Y/N)'s still pissed at me."

"And yer surprised about that?"

"Well no.... not really. I just wish she wasn't."

"Ya always think people's gonna come back right away." Raph scoffed, making his brother turn his head to look at him.

"I do not."

"Yeah ya do. That's the attitude ya have with me, and it's the attitude ya have with (Y/N)."

Leo lowered his head in thought. Maybe he had approached this the wrong way.

***

**CLICK**

At the sound of the door locking up, you put the keys in your pocket and started making your way out of the apartment building. Even though you were still mad at Leo, you decided to head back to the lair. The best you could do was to talk things over, otherwise nothing was going to get resolved.

As you walked down the street, you failed to notice the person who was walking right behind you, quickening their pace as they saw you.

"(Y/N)!"

"AH WHAT THE HELL?!"

You frantically waved your arms around, trying to get rid of the person that had just attacked you. Turning around, ready to falcon punch the person, you stopped yourself just in time as you realized who it was.

"Abi?"

The black haired girl had tears streaming down her face, and she let out a bunch of ugly sobs. Within a few seconds she had her arms wrapped tightly around you.

"Where have you been! I've missed you so much I thought you would be at their place longer why are you here I-"

"Abi jesus stop!"

Abigail closed her mouth and let you hug her back. She continued to sob, her voice hitching as soon as she tried to breathe normally. No wonder people looked at you weird when they walked past you.

"I've been so worried..." The female mumbled, her breath tickling your ear.

"I'm fine."

With slow movements you started to let go of each other, and Abi's tears gradually stopped pouring out of her eyes. She rubbed her face for a bit, trying to get rid of the ruined mascara.

"I thought you were staying with that friend of yours?"

"I am, but we had a fight so I left. I'm heading back there now though, otherwise he'll probably come and get me himself."

Abigail tilted her head.

"You ran away?"

"Let's call it an emergency escape."

She smirked and grabbed your hand.

"But... if you're outside now..."

You cocked an eyebrow, knowing exactly where she was going with this.

"Can't we just like, I don't know grab a coffee or something? I really want to spend some time with you before you disappear again."

You narrowed your eyes a bit in hesitation. You really shouldn't, and you didn't want to make things worse by worrying everyone even more. That's when an idea came to mind.

"Uh well I can't go _out_ for coffee, but a friend of mine probably got some at home. We can go there."

"Really? Is it okay if we go there?"

"Not Leo's place. Another friend."

"...another friend?"

"Yeah."


	17. Forgive and Forget

After several cups of coffee and hours of talking, Abigail had fallen asleep on April's couch. As if on cue, April had gotten home right after. You thought she would be mad at the fact that there was a stranger in her home, but seeing that you were with her, all she asked for was an explanation.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want anyone to worry even more because I would suddenly be gone, so I thought Abi and I could come here. Just for a little while. I'll wake her up and tell her to go home."

April smiled softly and shook her head.

"No, it's okay. Let her sleep for a while, she must need it."

"Yeah she... she cried a lot." You mumbled, glancing at the sleeping figure.

"She must have missed you."

You nodded in response, brushing some hair out of Abigail's face. April hummed.

"Well, I'm going to make some dinner. Wanna join me?"

***

"Leo I'm not so sure this is a good idea..."

"It's nothing weird Donnie, we're just going to check in on April."

"...and (Y/N)..." Raph muttered, his comment earning him an annoyed glance from Leo.

What was going on exactly? Well, after two days of worriedly pacing around, Leo couldn't take it anymore. What Raph had said really stuck with him, and he decided that he didn't care if you wanted to see him or not. He wanted to set things straight.

***

"Woah...!"

"You like it?"

"It's amazing! I don't understand why those dweebs wanna eat pizza all the time when they're best friends with a masterchef!"

April laughed at you comment, and shook her head slightly.

"I'm hardly a masterchef, but thanks."

"I think you are! But then again, you _are_ speaking to someone who hasn't eaten a real homecooked meal _ever_. Everything tastes amazing to me."

April hummed in amusement, her happy expression soon fading. She pursed her mouth, and poked at her pasta.

"(Y/N)?"

"Hm?"

"If you don't mind me asking... how come you're all alone?"

Her question made you stop what you were doing, and slowly you put the fork down. You weren't mad at her for asking, but you weren't too keen on talking about your past either.

"It's not that complicated really. My parents left, and that's about it."

"Sorry I shouldn't have asked. Sometimes the reporter in me just can't keep her mouth shut."

"No it's okay. I get why you're wondering. Donnie and I had a similair conversation a few days ago. It's just that... well my parents... they were pretty shitty. I never got why they decided to keep me. I was an accident after all."

"...an accident?"

"Yeah. My mom was quite young when she had me. She was only seventeen. My dad was twenty one. None of them were ready to be parents, yet, they decided that fuck it, we're keeping this thing."

You paused for a bit, fiddling with your fork. April tilted her head to the side, encouraging you to continue. After letting a sigh escape your lips, that's exactly what you did.

"I think they did love me at some point. They weren't bad people, at least not at first, but I think the circumstances twisted their sense of morality and reality."

"The circumstances?"

"Yeah... Both of my parents were unemployed, so we didn't have any money. If we did it was because they borrowed it, and then they would blow it on alcohol or drugs. They were pretty out of it the majority of the time. Eventually they both became violent and would take out their aggression on me or each other. My dad especially. He did some pretty messed up things."

You leaned back in your seat, tilting your head up to look at the ceiling.

"He'd bring other women home all the time. He didn't care if my mom or I knew. She didn't seem to care either. I don't think they ever loved each other, but they stayed together anyway because it was all they had. They knew they would never make it on their own." You muttered, taking a quick breather before you kept going;

"When I was around five or six they left me alone for four days. I didn't know where they had gone to, or when they would be back. When they did return they were so high that they didn't even know they were in their own apartment, or that their child had nearly starved to death. A week after that I had to be taken to the hospital for malnutrition and dehydration. Our neighbour who had been abroad for a couple of weeks was the one who took me there after he got home. He knew my parents were in some deep shit and he had been the one to look out for me from time to time." 

You smiled softly at the memory of the man. You rarely spoke about him, but he was one of the few positive memories you had from your childhood. Letting your head fall back into it's original position, you sighed.

"He tried to take custody of me from my parents by taking my case to court. He lost because he wasn't a relative. Shortly after he died of a heartattack. It was right before my parents took off. I was eight."

"Is that why they left? Because of the case?"

You nodded, a lump forming in your throat. You had never spoken about this in so much detail to anyone. Abi knew some things, but not much. Leo knew even less.

"When my parents went to court our neighbour shone light onto their behaviour and what they were up to. I think it made them realize that the cops would be coming for them, and they decided that an eight year old girl would be too much of a burden to drag along, so they skipped town. When the police came to my house all that was left was me. After a bunch of paperwork and complicated conversations they sent me to an orphanage."

At this point April didn't have anything to say. You couldn't blame her. It was a lot to take in. You rubbed your neck and looked down.

"I stayed there for about five years. There were some couples looking for a child that came to see me, but I was never adopted. Obviously." You added with a dry laugh, your gaze travelling to the window.

"At least I got to go to school and feel like a normal kid for a while. Despite that, a lot of kids picked on me because I was in special classes that would help me catch up. There was this one boy that would call me a retard all the time. He was the worst out of all of them. The only reason he stopped bullying me was because of Abi."

"...so you met in school?"

"Yeah. We were ten. This dude had just shoved me into a locker and threatened to beat me up, and that's when Abigail swooped in. For someone as petite as her, she busted him pretty good." You said, laughing quietly at the memory.

"We were best friends from that day forward. Without her I probably would've been dead."

The sudden feeling of April's hand on top of yours made your eyes dart to meet hers. She gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, a sad smile decorating her features. She didn't say anything, but it wasn't necessary.

The quiet moment soon evaporated into nothingness when you heard a shattering scream come from the livingroom. You and April shared a quick worried look before you got to your feet and ran out there, only to find two things;  
Abigail passed out on the floor, and four mutant brothers all staring with horror at the girl. You were at a loss for words, and all you could do was look up, studying their paralyzed faces. April put her hands to her face and let out a dry, frustrated laugh.

"Why...?"

You turned your head to look at her, your eyes as wide as plates. What were you going to do? Abi had seen them. You hummed in desparation, and your eyes darted to Leo and the others.

"What the hell?!" You whisper yelled, flailing your arms. Mikey, who seemed the most scared out of all of them, flailed his arms back.

"I don't know!"

"What the fuck are you all doing here?!"

"Leo made us!" Mikey retorted, a whine making it's way into the tone of his voice. Leo shoved his brother slightly.

"I did not!"

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't...!"

"Guys shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Will all four of you shut the fuck up?!" You hissed.

At this point, April was trying her hardest to not start howling at the whispering group. At the same time she also tried to not lose her marbles.

"Guys there's no need to panic!" She assured, trying to calm everyone down. Raph huffed.

"No one would be panicking if it wasn't for the golden child over there."

"Raph is this seriously the time?" Leo deadpanned. Raph crossed his arms, a scoff escaping his mouth.

"It is the time! You only came here 'cuz ya' wanted to make up with (Y/N). Ya' just dragged us along for the ride."

"Don't forget that he was the one who barged into the apartment!" Mikey chimed in. Donnie sighed and put a hand to his forehead.

"That was you Mikey."

"...right."

"Okay seriously you four need to be quiet!" April snapped, making the brothers shut their mouths in an instant. She exhaled deeply through her nose, and rubbed her temples.

"Look, the fact that she passed out from seeing you means we have time to make her think it was a dream. For that to work I need you four to scram. Get up on the roof and wait for us there while (Y/N) and I get Abigail to go home."

Without saying a word back, the four nodded and quickly made their way out the window and up on the roof. You let out a long whistle, and turned to look at April.

"Damn... who knew you could be so scary?"

April only showed an amused smile in response, looking over your shoulder and down at Abi, who started to wake up.

"W-what... What happened?"

***

"Are you sure you'll be alright?"

"I'm sure. I'll call you tomorrow okay? Now get out of here before your mom calls you."

Abigail nodded and quickly gave you a last hug, before she went out the door. After April had closed the door behind her, she went up to the open window and peeked outside.

"You can come in now."

One by one the brothers made their way back inside, all looking kind of dumbfounded. Leo was the one to enter last, resulting in him meeting your cold gaze. His brows knitted together in guilt, and he rubbed his neck awkwardly. April's eyes quickly moved between you and Leo, before she cleared her throat.

"C'mon I have some leftover pasta sauce."

"Sweet!" Mikey exclaimed, disappearing into the kitchen. Donnie shortly followed suit, with April walking next to him. Raph on the other hand, seemed to hesitate. Leo gave his brother an irritated look.

"Do you mind?"

Ignoring his older brother, Raph looked over at you, his eyes asking if you were going to be okay. After giving him a small nod as a response, he turned on his heel and went into the kitchen as well.  
You turned your head to look at the blue clad turtle in front of you, and crossed your arms.

"Hi."

"Hey."

There was a silence, and Leo slowly sat down on the couch.

"Look... I get it if you're still mad at me, but I think this has gone on for a bit too long."

When you didn't answer him, he sighed.

"Don't you want to make up?" He asked quietly, placing his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. You huffed, letting your arms fall to your sides.

"Of course I do. I was on my way back earlier today, but then I ran into Abi, well she ran into me... but that's not the point. The point is that I was on my way back to talk to you. I think we both fucked up. I might have fucked up a tiny bit more."

"Are you kidding me? I was the one who acted like a jerk. You didn't say anything to hurt _my_ feelings. I hurt yours."

"But I acted like a fucking kid. I let my stubborness get the better of me."

Leo tilted his head to the side, and got up from his spot. With slow steps he walked over to you, and stopped just a few centimeters away. You tilted your head backwards to look up at him, your eyes meeting his. You didn't really plan your next action, but it didn't matter either. Taking a fast step forward you snaked your arms around his body and leaned into his plastron. At this point you couldn't stop the small tears that were forcing their way out of your eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too..." Leo mumbled, returning the embrace.


	18. Snooze

Sunlight. That's what made you wake up and blink repeatedly to adjust your eyes. The apartment bathed in the early morning light, and your eyes sweeped across the room. Two brothers on the floor, one in an armchair. The fourth was missing. Judging from the sounds coming from the kitchen, he was probably in there.

You shuffled around in the couch and let out a content sigh, closing your eyes. Last night had been extremely emotionally draining, and after so much talking all you wanted was to go to sleep. You hadn't been alone in having that idea, and therefore the turtles had all slept over at April's place.

You opened your eyes back up when you heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the couch, and turned your head slightly to look at the turtle. When he layed eyes on your puffy, tired face, he smirked.

"Mornin'." He said, his voice low to not wake the others.

"Hey." You retorted, smiling at him as he sat down in front of you. He held two cups of coffee in his hands, and motioned for you to take one. Carefully you accepted it, shifting in your seat to avoid spilling anything.

"How'd ya sleep?" He asked, just before taking a sip of the warm beverage. You shrugged in response, blowing on your coffee to cool it down.

"Well enough. You?"

"Can't complain. I'm surprised I woke up before wonder child."

You hummed in amusement, turning your gaze to the window. The sky still had the pastel colors of morning on it, and the blue had just started to come out.

"So you and Leo made up?"

"Yeah. I think he got anxious over the fact that he had to come to me first."

"Yer' telling me. For someone who's all about honesty and honour, he kinda' sucks at saying sorry first."

"To be fair, I fucked up before he did." You pointed out, turning to look at the red clad turtle once again. He chuckled quietly, raising an eyebrow at you.

"About that, what the hell were ya thinking?"

"I wasn't." You said, voice laced with laughter. "But it could have been worse. I could've been shot or something."

"Uh-huh... if that had been the case Leo would never let ya out of his sight again."

"Probably. But, I also wouldn't have gotten the chance to do what I did." You mumbled, placing your cup of coffee on the table before putting a hand on your left arm. Raphael pursed his lips, shooting you a sympathetic look.

"Yeah I guess..."

You slid beneath the covers once again, and turned your body so you faced Raph. Biting your lip, you contemplated what to say.

"So... are we gonna continue our private training sessions when we get back?"

Raph's mood seemed to lighten up at this, as evidenced by the smirk that painted his features.

"Absolutely. I wanna know how much you can take. 'Sides, yer' pretty good for a newbie."

A smile made it's way onto your face, and you laughed quietly.

"Thanks. You're a pretty good teacher for someone who never gets to teach."

"Yeah?"

"Totally. You've got the whole 'tough love' act down perfectly. Sprinkle some 'sexy tutor' on that and you'll be complete."

The comment had definitely caught Raph off guard, and you could swear you saw his cheeks getting darker. But you weren't the one to talk, since you looked like a tomato yourself.

The silence that had been created was quickly, and fortunately, interrupted by the loud snore coming from Mikey. Seeing the window for changing the topic open, you took the chance right away;

"Anyhow, the last few days have been pretty chill for you guys. Crime fighting-wise I mean. What's up with that?"

Raph didn't answer right away, but after seemingly having caught on to what you were doing, he provided an answer;

"It's been like that for a while, but even more so since the day we met ya."

"You mean the whole 'give us the flashdrive or we kill the girl' bit? Yeah that wasn't a lot of fun. What was all that about anyway? Why did they get so riled up over the USB?"

"We're not sure. Donnie had been keeping an eye on the Foot Clan for a few months leading up to that incident given how inactive they've been. He didn't find much, but he suspects it has to do with Shredder's disappearance."

"Right, the whole alien ship thing... So what does he think is on the USB?"

"Who knows. He had some ideas, like war plans or whatever, but he never gave any specifics. It could be anything."

"It must be important to them if they were willing to kill over it. I mean, they still kinda are, otherwise Donnie wouldn't have suggested that I stay with all of you." You pondered, looking up at the ceiling. Raph hummed in agreement.

"Well, even if they still are, we wouldn't let anything happen to anyone. Least of all to you. Like it or not, yer a part of our group now, and like Casey said; we protect our own."

His words brought a smile to your lips, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out to Raph and gave him a pat on the head.

"I'm glad we're friends."

The red clad turtle smirked, not even bothering to remove your hand.

"Yeah. Me too."

***

"Thanks for everything April."

"No worries. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Will do." You mused, saluting the brunette.

After everyone else had woken up and gotten some breakfeast, you were now on your way to leave April's apartment and go back to the lair. Given that it was still early, the guys presumed you should all be able to get back without being spotted.

"Alright, you ready to go?"

You gave Leo a nod, shot April a last smile, and followed the turtles out the window.

After a lot of pleading on his part, Mikey had been assigned to carry you on the way back, so that you wouldn't slow the team down. Despite the small sting of offense that you felt, you let Mikey scoop you up anyway.

It didn't take long before you were back in the now familiar area, and Mikey put you down, much to his disappointment. 

"Sleep..." You mumbled, rubbing your eyes as you moved towards the couch.

"Oh no you don't. You're up, so you might as well do something productive." Leo interjected, pulling you away from the couch by the shoulders. You couldn't help but let a sad whine escape you, which seemed to amuse everyone but the blue clad turtle.

"Leo please, it's early." You tried, turning around to face him. He looked down at you with an amused expression.

"Why don't you come join us in the dojo? You seemed to enjoy it last time."

"No way... are we seriously gonna' train _now_?" Mikey asked, complaint laced in his voice. Ignoring his younger brother, Leo waited patiently on your response. Eventually you gave in, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Fine... but let me at least bring a pillow."


	19. Stranger

"Well that was a lot of effort for nothing..." You muttered angrily to yourself as you continued to pick up the training equipment sprawled on the ground. "They could've at least picked up their own damn weapons."

Looking over at the dojo's entrance, you let out a frustrated sigh. The guys' training had to be cut short because an alarm of some kind had gone off in Donnie's lab. They had barely started stretching before the thing started beeping like crazy, and within a few seconds they had all dropped their stuff, instructed you to stay in the dojo and gone to check out what was going on.

Shoving all the equipment into one giant pile, you started to make your way over to the brothers, ignoring Donnie's and Leo's request to have you stay put.

Quietly you slid up against the wall outside the lab, trying to make out the conversation on the other side.

"Are you sure about this Donnie?"

"Positive. The alarm is only supposed to go off if these energy signatures show up in close proximity to New York. Either my devices have gone haywire which, let's be honest they haven't, or a portal has opened up."

 _"A portal?"_ You thought to yourself as you moved closer to the doorway.

"Do you know who opened it?"

"I can't say for sure, but the energy's strongest point seems to be coming from the Meatpacking District."

"Are we thinking the Foot Clan?" Raph chimed in, the sound of cracking knuckles following the end of his sentence. Donnie hummed.

"If it is, I think we finally figured out what's on the USB."

"...and what's that?" Mikey asked quietly. The first response was a sigh, most likely from Raph, the second, was a verbal one from Donatello.

"Information on how to bring the Shredder back."

There was a silence, and it was only broken once Leonardo decided to speak up.

"Where would they even get that info?"

"Baxter Stockman." Donnie retorted. "I'm pretty sure the Foot Clan has kept him captive. It wouldn't be a surpise if they've forced him to find a way to bring their master back."

"They _are_ pretty useless without him." Mikey noted. Even though you couldn't see him, you were pretty sure he was grinning.

"So what do we do?"

Raph's question was met with more silence, and it seemed like not even Donnie had an answer for it. At this point you decided to stop snooping. All the talk of bringing the Shredder back and a portal opening up near your home made you a bit sick to the stomach, to say the least.

You took a deep breath through your nose, put on a weak smile and knocked on the concrete wall as you rounded the corner. The four brothers all turned their heads to look at you. None of them seemed particularly upset over the fact that you had left the dojo. You wondered if they knew you had been listening.

"Uhm... I'm gonna go up and take a smoke."

The four exchanged looks between one another, and Leo forced a smile, giving you a curt nod.

"You do that."

***

Your stay on the surface took a little longer than you expected. You didn't leave the alley, contrary to Leo's belief, who had texted you three times to make sure you hadn't wandered off or hurt yourself. Each time you had assured him that you were fine, and that you just needed some fresh air and alone time.

You fished your phone out of your pocket, and pressed the home button. No new notifications. Not even from Abigail. You guessed she was sleeping in.

You pulled out another cigarette, and was just about to put your phone down when it let out a buzz. Leaving the cigarette hanging between your lips, your eyes scanned the display.

_Message From: Nora Smith, 07:40  
Hello (O/N)_

The message had caught you off guard to say the least. You squinted at the screen. Nora Smith? Who the hell was that? How did she know...  
Not even finishing your own question, you unlocked your phone and pressed the message app. Quickly your fingers began to sweep across the screen, typing the stranger a message.

_(Y/N): 07:43  
Sorry, I think you have the wrong number..._

You waited patiently for a response, but when none came, you decided to put your phone back in your pocket. Slowly you took out your lighter, and lit up the cigarette, taking a deep breath. Even though the person didn't respond, you couldn't help the uncomfortable feeling that was creeping up in the back of your mind. Who was Nora? How did she know your birth name?

***

"Master Splinter?"

"Oh, Leonardo. Come in."

Carefully Leo closed the door to his father's room behind him, and went to sit down in front of him. The rat opened his eyes, and shot his son a warm look.

"Something is bothering you."

Leo nodded, and his face fell. Splinter tilted his head to the side, encouraging him to tell him what was wrong. The blue clad turtle let out a sigh, and rubbed his neck.

"It's the Foot Clan. We have reason to believe they might have found a way to bring Shredder back."

"Then you must stop them."

"I know but... that's not my primary concern..."

"Then what is?"

"(Y/N)."

Splinter's ears perked up at this, and his nose twitched.

"How so?"

"Well... the Foot Clan knows who she is. They know she can be used against us. She-"

"-has become a weak spot, no?"

Leo nodded, making the elderly rat smile softly. It was hardly noticeable, but it was there. The turtle began to fiddle with his fingers, a tick that only got triggered when he was going to ask Splinter something he was nervous about. Of course, with Splinter being his dad, he knew this, and it took him little to no time to figure out what his son wanted to ask.

"You're wondering if she can stay longer."

Leo let out a hum, confirming Splinter's guess. Leaning forward a bit, Splinter put a hand on Leo's shoulder, and gave it a squeeze.

"Leonardo, you want to protect her, that's understandable." He began. "But it's up to her whether she wants to stay or not. If she feels safe enough without our protection, there's nothing we can do. Besides, I know there’s more behind your request than worry.”

Leo cocked his head to look at his father, his eyes wide.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"My son, I'm old, but I'm not blind. Not yet anyway." The rat said with a tone Leo couldn't quite decipher. Was it teasing, understanding? He wasn't sure.

"Master Splinter I can assure you that I-"

"Leonardo, it's nothing to be ashamed of. But, I'm sure you know the risks. Don't get your hopes up."

There was a silence, and Leo let out a tired sigh.

"Of course, dad."


	20. Sparks of Conflict

_Static. Endless amounts of it. Or was it a tv-show? You weren't sure. Your lack of focus didn't exactly make things clearer. The floor beneath you felt like a cloud and a rock at the same time. You were floating — and sinking. Was anyone home? Were you alone?_

_A rat ran past your limp body, not even acknowledging you, and came to a halt at the doorway leading to the kitchen. His head turned to all directions, nose twitching and ears perking up at the smallest sound. His eyes were brown. His fur was gray. His soul was pure._

_You made an attempt to speak. All that escaped you was a wheeze. You wanted him to hear you. To help you._

_**Please** , you pleaded, your mind repeating the word in a mantra. But he could not her you. No one could._

_You were already dead._

***

"We'll be back in a few hours. Casey is bringing you pizza later."

You gave Leo a nod before he left, not taking your eyes off the tv.

The brothers were going out on patrol. They didn't tell you why, but you were guessing it was because of the Foot Clan. You on the other hand, were going to enjoy some never before watched movies. Mostly Disney. You had heard they were good at cheering people up, and luckily for you, the brothers had a bunch. First up was Lilo and Stitch. It seemed like something you'd enjoy. And it wasn't a musical according to Mikey, so there was that.

It had been a couple of hours since you had recieved the text from the stranger. She had yet to respond. Of course, that was the plan, given that you told her it was the wrong number. However the fact that she had referred to you, or whoever she had meant to text, by _your_ birth name creeped you out a small bit. You tried to think logically about it, but despite your best efforts, it was hard to shake the uneasy feeling that the text had brought with it. It didn't feel like a coincidence.  
You had not told Leo or the others. It wasn't exactly a hard decision. First off, no one — not even Abigail, knew your original name, so that would raise a lot of questions. Second, you didn't want to worry Leo or anyone else. They had enough on their mind given these new revelations about the Foot Clan as it was. Plus, you just wanted some peace and quiet for a while.

The sudden sound of your phone ringing caught you off guard, and without little care you picked it up to answer the call.

"Hello?"

**"I do not have the wrong number."**

You froze. Was this... Nora?

"U-uh I uh... I-I think you do. Please don't contact me again." You hastily said, stumbling over your words before hanging up. What the hell? Who was this woman? What did she want?

Your phone gave away a buzz, signalling that a text had arrived. Looking down on the display, you felt the name on the screen stare right back at you.

_Nora Smith: 18:46  
If you don't want to talk over the phone that's fine. How about we just text?_

You furrowed your eyebrows. Whether it was in anger or confusion you didn't know. Maybe both.

_(Y/N): 18:47  
I'm serious about what I said. If you keep trying to talk to me I'm going to call the police._

A few seconds passed, and the phone buzzed again.

_Nora Smith: 18:47  
I don't think so. From what I understand, you've become quite the criminal (O/N). Besides, I haven't done anything illegal. Not yet anyway._

_(Y/N): 18:48  
What's that supposed to mean? And how do you know my real name?_

_Nora Smith: 18:48  
Let's just say I'm not scared of using... less honorable means to get what I want. As for your other question, I'll let you figure that out on your own. It shouldn't be too hard._

_Nora Smith: 18:49_   
_And if it is... then I just feel bad for you for turning out to be such an idiot._

***

"She's been acting weird all day."

"Maybe she heard us earlier?" Mikey shrugged, dangling his legs over the edge of a rooftop. Leo hummed, and let his gaze sweep over the city skyline.

"It wouldn't surprise me."

"Isn't it better if she does know?" Donatello asked, earning a glance from Leo.

"...I don't know."

"Of course it is." Raph chimed in, not looking at his brothers. "Keeping her in the dark would be unfair."

"Perhaps, but she would be safe." Leo said, mostly to himself. This earned him a scoff from his red clad brother.

"Yeah right. Ya know yer kind of a control freak when it comes to (Y/N), right?"

"Excuse me?"

"Look Leo, I ain't saying yer not looking out for her, but ya gotta' admit that yer a little controlling. Ya treat her like she's a kid."

"I have to agree with Raph." Donnie nodded.

Not wanting to get into an argument, Leo tried to shrug Raphael's comment off. Even though his stubborness and pride told him that his brother couldn't be further from the truth, he knew that he was right. Somewhat. Leo knows he treats you like you're really delicate, he could admit that much, but in all honesty he was just looking out for you. He was so scared of losing you.

"Leo?"

"Huh? Oh, uh... maybe we should split up? Raph and I'll go east and north, Donnie and Mikey, you go south and west. We'll meet up back here in two hours. If you find anything resembling the energy signals before that, contact the us right away."

"Will do fearless!" Mikey said with a salute as he and Donnie went the opposite way from Raph and Leo.

At first there was a silence as the the two oldest brothers began to move in the direction of one of Donnie's scanners. Raph had a lot on his mind, and with that, a lot of things he wanted to say to Leonardo. Mostly regarding you. He wasn't sure why, but as of late, all he wanted to do was to make sure you were happy. What he didn't know was that the same went for Leo, who's mind was spinning with thoughts after the talk with Splinter.

Just as Leo finished up collecting data from the first device, Raph spoke up.

"Leo I need to tell ya something."

"Yeah?" His older brother said, turning around to face him. "What?"

"It's about (Y/N)."

"What about her?"

Raph pursed his lips and looked down at the ground for a moment, not quite sure how to put his thoughts into words.

"Look it's-"

"If it's about your comment back there, I don't want to hear it. I treat (Y/N) with care, so what? I know how she works and-"

"Do you though?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"All I'm saying is that there's more to her than ya know."

"Okay I need you to stop right there." Leo began, his eyes fixated on his brother. "You've known her for a couple of days, I've been her friend for months. I think I know her better than you."

There was a silence, and Raph started to feel his blood boil. Why did he get so riled up? Leo was right. He had known her longer, but even so Raphael noticed how his defences began to build up. 

"So? All I wanted to say was that I think ya really messed up, and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she starts to distance herself from ya."

Leo's eyes widened at this, but his bewilderment didn't last long, as his expression quickly turned sour.

"What's your problem Raph? Why are you acting like this?"

"I got my reasons."

"Really? And what's that? You met a girl, that happens to be my best friend, and decided to start having feelings for her?"

"I never said that." Raph sneered, getting an annoyed scoff in return. 

"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

Raph's jaw tensed up at this, and a frown was displayed on his face. God did he want to sucker punch his brother right now.

"I don't know what yer problem is Leo, but I don't got feelings for her. If you do, that's fine, it's whatever I don't give a shit. All I'm saying is that I care about her as a _friend_ , and I think yer getting defensive because me and the others have entered her life."

When Leo didn't answer, Raph continued;

"Ya need to get off the high road and accept that we can be her friends too. And about you knowing how she works? Yeah I don't believe that for a second. You think you know everything, but ya only know a fraction. She's scared of telling you things because all you do is get mad or worried beyond measure."

"What do you-"

"Forget it. It's not like ya give enough fucks to consider anything I say anyways."


	21. I Love You

"One. Two. Three-"

After the rather uncomfortable text exchange with Nora, you needed to let some steem off, so off to the dojo you went. You didn't care that your punches weren't the most gracious. You just had to actually _beat_ something up.

"One. Two-"

"Jeez, you seem tense."

The familiar voice snapped you back to reality, and you turned your head to look at the visitor.

"Mr Hockeystick." You said teasingly, backing away from the boxing bag.

"You know, if you're gonna give me a nickname, make it a good one. Like Mr Awesome Cop or something."

"Right, 'cuz that sounds so much better."

The man shrugged, a smirk decorating his face, and held out his arm.

"I got your food. It's pizza time."

You made a face at the comment, signaling how bad it was.

"Really? Spiderman references?"

As he walked up to you, Casey let out an amused sound.

"Damn I didn't think you'd get it."

"Mikey has taught me all the memes." You noted, grabbing the plastic bag from Casey's hand.

"I'm not surprised."

You hummed in response, and sat down on the ground, opening up the box containing the cheesy goodness. As you started digging in, Casey glanced at the boxing bag.

"So, you're picking up on some of the guys' stuff?"

You shook your head, and raised an eyebrow.

"No I just like punching things."

After a moment of silence the man chuckled.

"I'd say that's a valid explanation."

You nodded in agreement, before turning your head to look at him.

"So, are you staying or...?"

Casey gave you a small smile, and shook his head. 

"Nah, I gotta get back to the station. Sorry."

"No that's okay." You assured, waving your hand dismissively. Casey gave you a small salute as a goodbye, and turned on his heel to exit the lair.

After the man left, all you did was sit still and eat your pizza. The silence of lair was almost defeaning, and the only sound to be heard was your chewing.

After you had eaten half of your food, you threw a glance at the direction of your phone. After a moment of hesitation you reached out for it, and pressed the home button, making the screen light up. No new texts from Nora. Although it was a relief, it also made you uneasy. Who was this woman, and what did she want with you? One possible explanation had crossed your mind. More than once, but it seemed so unlikely that it would be _her_...

"Should I tell the Leo...?" You mumbled, scrolling through your contacts. You didn't want to tell him, but at the same time, witholding the information would most likely just end in disaster. You let out a sigh, and put a hand to your forehead. Leo would not take this well. Especially since things had been so tense between the two of you lately, in more ways than one, you really didn't want to push things. Then a thought hit you. There was one person you could talk to about this. Maybe even two. April, and Raphael. April knew everything about your past after the talk in her kitchen, and even if Raph didn't know jack shit about your past, you knew he would listen, regardless of how much he knew.

Quickly you scrolled down to April's number, and pressed the call button. The signals went by, and after the fifth signal, the brunette picked up.

**"(Y/N)?"**

"Hey April. Listen, I need to talk with you about something. Any chance we can meet up?"

**"Yeah of course. I just got home from work."**

"Great. I'll be over in ten."

***

"Here you go."

"Thanks." You retorted, taking the cup of coffee from April's hand. As she sat down next to you, she pulled her hair back in a ponytail, before bringing her own cup to her lips.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?" She asked, lightly blowing on her coffee.

You looked down at your legs, and traced the rim of the cup, trying to figure out how to start.

"You remember the other day? When I told you about my past? About my parents?"

"Yeah of course I remember."

"Well... there was one detail I left out." You admitted, turning your head to look at her. "It's about my name."

"Your name?"

You nodded, and took a sip of the coffee.

"My birth name isn't (Y/N). It's (O/N)."

April furrowed her eyebrows, but said nothing, and you kept going;

"Earlier today, I got a text from someone I don't know. Someone called Nora. She called me by my birth name."

April's eyes widened at this, and she leaned in a bit. Clearly the reporter in her was starting to show, and with that, the questions came.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I haven't told _anyone_ my birth name. Not even Abigail or Leo. You're the first one aside from me who knows."

"Are you sure about that?" April questioned, raising an eyebrow. You immediately caught on to what she was implying, and you pursed your lips.

"I did consider the possibility, but it just doesn't seem likely to me."

"How so?"

"Well how would she even find me? As a kid I was in a protected orphanage. Everyone there had suffered abuse and lived under protection of the law. Their parents were not allowed to in any way contact them, or get access to their information. That included me. And even if she somehow managed to get a hold of my papers, they would be irrelevant. That's old information. They won't be of any help."

"But wouldn't there be any records of where you are now? Given how you've been getting by your name has to be in police records."

"True, but that would be under _my_ name. (Y/N). And there would be no last name."

"I don't think that matters, because you're still connected to the orphanage's records. I don't think it takes much detective work to figure out you're one and the same. I mean, the staff at the orphanage must have some sort off log on where the kids go after getting too old to stay."

"They do, but I ran away when I was thirteen. There is no way."

April let out a sigh, and put her cup down.

"Maybe she kept tabs on you. Who knows."

This caught your attention, and sent chills down your spine.

"You mean like... she has been stalking me since she was separated from me?"

"Maybe."

You thought for a bit. You never knew your mother well. You had repressed a lot of the smaller details about your parents. The overarching story was the only cohesive memory you had, so you weren't sure if she was capable of something like that. Your parents had never come across as loving or caring in any shape or form. On the other hand, this wouldn't be out of love, but stem from some weird obsession.

"(Y/N)?"

April's voice snapped you back to reality, and you shook your head.

"My mother's name wasn't Nora Smith."

At this April let out a little laugh.

"That's the easiest mystery to solve. Like you, she might have changed her name."

When you didn't respond, April furrowed her eyebrows in worry, and began to stroke your back comfortingly. Her touch startled you a bit first, but soon enough you gave in, and leaned your head against her shoulder.

"You can't tell Leo."

"I won't."

"Really?"

"(Y/N) whatever we talk about stays between us. I'm not spilling it to anyone unless you say it's okay."

Your eyes widened at her words, and before you knew it, you had wrapped your arms tightly around the brunette.

"Thank you."

"Of course."

***

"Hey (Y/N) are you okay? You seem off."

"What? Oh uh it's nothing Leo. I'm fine."

After your visit at April's place, you had hurried back to the lair, mostly to avoid questions if you had been absent when the brothers got back. As of the moment, you and Leo were in his room, with him on his bed and you on your matress. When Leo got back he was really ticked off. So was Raph. In actuality you wanted to go to him, but ended up in Leo's room. You felt bad for being so distant with him.

Leo shifted in his spot, and observed you with curious, tired eyes.

"We're doing fine, right?"

You turned your head, and raised an eyebrow at his comment.

"Well, yeah? Why?"

"I just... I know we cleared up the mess from the other day, but I can't help but feel like things are still... weird. Between us I mean."

You pursed your lips, not really being in the mood for having a conversation like this. You put your phone down, and sat up with your legs crossed.

"Leo, you know I've forgiven you, but I still need some space. Don't take it personally."

"It's hard not to."

"Well that sounds like a you-problem." You said teasingly, hoping the mood would lighten up. It didn't. Not organically anyway. You could tell Leo was forcing the smile on his lips. You let out a huff, and got up from your seat, and made your way over to his bed. You sat down next to him, and intertwined your hand in his.

"I'm not mad at you. But you need to respect that I'm still frustrated. We can forgive, but we shouldn't forget. I think we both need to work on how we act towards each other in certain situations, don't you?"

Leo didn't answer right away, and when he did, it was only with a nod. But you didn't need any other confirmation. You shot him a warm smile, and gave his hand a squeeze.

"I love you."

The words escaped your mouth before you had time to process it. You didn't even know yourself in what way you meant it. Platonically? Like a brother? Like... that? Leo's face signaled that he too was caught of guard by your words. His head immediately started spinning, and he held on to your hand as if his life depended on it.

"I love you too."


	22. Moments of Uncertainty

"Woah take it easy or yer' gonna break yer' knuckles."

"No I won't, watch."

Delivering a powerful punch to the bag, a grin spread across your face, and you turned to look at Raph with gleaming eyes.

"See?"

Despite his best efforts to look grumpy, a smirk creeped up on his lips, and he let out an amused huff.

"Yeah yeah don't get cocky with me ya little shit." He teasingly, lightly pushing you. You gave him a shove back, and the two of you shared a laugh.

You had stayed with the turtles for about two weeks at this point, and despite some part of you wanting to go home, you had been wanting to stay longer. The idea of not constantly being alone, to have people around you to be able to talk to... it was growing on you. Hopefully, no one would interject if you stayed a bit longer. You had really started to feel at home here.

"What are ya thinkin' about?" Raph asked, throwing you a glance as you sat down on the floor. You rubbed the back of your neck, before placing your hands on the floor, leaning on your palms.

"Nothing really. I'm just... content." You said with a sigh. At your comment, for only a split second, Raph shot you one of the most genuine smile's you had ever seen from him. The sight immediately made something in the pit of your stomach flutter, and you averted your gaze, feeling your cheeks growing hot.

"That's nice to hear." He noted, sitting down next to you on the floor. "Makes me feel at ease."

You raised an eyebrow, and turned your head to look at Raph.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... it's... I just..."

You watched with slight amusement as the red clad turtle desperately tried to find the right words.

"I... care about ya." He then said, quite bluntly and with a slightly shaky voice. "I know we haven't known each other for long but... I dunno I just... I like you. As a friend that is." He mumbled, adding the last part rather quickly. You felt the fluttering in your stomach grow, and you let out a nervous chuckle.

"I like you too. As a friend."

Your next course of action was definitely not planned, and more based on instict than anything else, but within a second you scooted closer, and entertwined your hand with Raphael's. Both his and your eyes immediately shot up to meet the other's gaze, and there was a moment of defeaning silence. Neither of you said anything, but you could feel how tense Raph was. Leo could tense up at things like this, but it was a lot more natural for him to be touched by you. Raph on the other hand...

"Do you want me to let go?"

He didn't answer verbally. He didn't even move, but you could see the answer in his eyes. _No_. You didn't respond, you just kept your hand in his, looking at his face. Observing his features. After a few moments, you could feel the red clad turtle relax, as his hand seemingly got more comfortable holding yours. You could swear that you almost felt him take a tighter grip.

"You don't get this a lot, do you?"

Raph smirked at this, and looked away.

"No, not really. But to be fair, I'm kinda selective with who gets to touch me, no matter the situation." He said with an amused tone laced in his voice. You couldn't help but let out a giggle at this, earning a warm look from Raph.

"Ya know, it's not often I get along with someone this well." He noted, averting his gaze.

"Me neither." You admitted, causing Raphael to raise an eyebrow at you.

"Seems like the opposite to me."

"Well, there's a difference between connecting with someone on a surface level, and connecting with someone on a more... intimate level." You said, looking over at Raph. "Like I have with you. I feel like we've connected in a meaningful way."

At your confession, Raph's cheeks immediately grew darker, and he averted his gaze to the floor, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Yeah..." He mumbled, this time his grip on your hand definitely tightening. The smile on your lips grew at this, and you shifted in your place. At first this seemed to confuse the red clad turtle, but your actions shortly became clear, as you let go of his hand and and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Your action took him back quite a bit, and he stiffened beneath your embrace at first. However, slowly but surely, he began to relax, and returned the embrace, pulling you in close. Burrying your face in the crook of his neck, you could feel how your, as well as his heartbeat pick up. The moment felt like it lasted a life-time, and you barely wanted to let go. After, well, a short amount of time, the two of you began to separate. Despite that, both you and Raphael lingered when you passed each other's faces, locking your eyes with his. The tension was high, and it almost felt like-

**_RING_ **

**_RING_ **

**_RING_ **

The sudden noise of your phone going off immediately caught you off guard, and you stumbled in order to pick up the device.

"H-hello?"

**"(O/N), we need to talk."**

As soon as you heard the female voice on the end of the other line, your blood ran ice cold, and Raph must have noticed, because a look of concern now adorned his face.

"N-no we don't." You stuttered, trying to sound confident, but failing miserably. Honestly, this woman terrified you, and after considering the possibility that it was your... mother, scared you even more. Nora didn't seem to concerned with your answer, and kept going;

**"I would like to meet up with you. I promise I won't do anything rash. Well, unless you decide not to come."**

"And why should that threat scare me? Quite frankly I don't care if you're gonna pull some 'I'll hurt myself' bullshit."

At your comment, the woman let out a laugh. It wasn't empty. No, the opposite. It was full of... sinister amusement.

**"No no, what I have in mind would hurt you far more than it would me."**

"Yeah? How's that?" You asked, poison radiating from your voice.

**"Because I know your secret. I know about your little friends, and I'm sure there are people who would _love_ to have an... intimate look at them."**

Her words shot straight through you like a bullet, and you started hyperventilating. At this point Raph placed a hand on your shoulder, urging you to tell him what was going on. However you barely noticed his touch.

"You don't know anything."

**"Oh but I do. There's four of them. Green and tall. They have shells. Am I wrong?"**

"How-"

**"My dear, sweet (O/N), I never let you out of my sight. If you don't want anything happening to them, you'll meet me on Times Square tomorrow at one pm."**

After this she abruptly hung up on you, and all you did, was stare with an empty gaze at the wall in front of you.

"(Y/N)?"

Raph's voice barely reached your ears, but even so you turned to look at him.

"I-I'm fine..."

"Doesn't seem like it. Who was that?"

"It... I..."

Your stammering certainly didn't calm him down, as his expression started morph into a mix of frustration and worry.

"You know you can tell me, right?"

"Y-yeah I know I just... I... I can't. I'm sorry Raph I just need some time for myself." You mumbled, standing up and walking out of the dojo, leaving a concerned and confused Raphael behind.

***

**"So when do you want to meet up?"**

"Around eleven maybe? Are you free by then?"

**"Well I'm supposed to be in class by then but I'll skip for you."**

You smiled slightly at Abigail's remark. Hearing her cheery voice really picked you up. The phonecall from Nora had really drained you, and almost immediately you had decided that you had to meet up with Abi _before_ meeting Nora. It would most certainly reduce any chance of you having an anxiety attack.

 **"So why are you going into town anyway? Has your travel ban been lifted?"** She said with an amused tone, and you let out a quiet chuckle.

"No not quite. It'll be an incognito thing. I'm going to meet someone and I need you for emotional support."

**"Huh? Who are you going to meet?"**

You bit your lip at her question. Should you tell her?

"It's... complicated. It has to do with my past."

There was a silence on the other end of the line, before Abigail's voice piped back up.

**"How so?"**

"I'm meeting with someone who... more or less indirectly claims to be my mother." You admitted, feeling a knot form in your stomach. At first all you heard was Abi's breath hitch at your sentence.

**"...your mom? But how...?"**

"I have no idea." 

You waited patiently for Abigail's response, and when it came, you instantly felt more relaxed.

**"Okay well I'll help you through this."**

"Thank you."

**"(Y/N) you're my best friend, of course I'll help you."**

You smiled, before another thought entered your mind.

"Actually there's one more thing that I'd like to bring."

**"What's that?"**

"You remember April?"

**"Yeah?"**

"I think she should be there too."


	23. Nora Smith

"Did she say where you would meet?"

"Times square."

"At least it's in a public place." Abigail noted. "She could have chosen some weird back alley or something."

"By the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like a public place would hinder her from doing something rash." April said, her voice low and cautious. You didn't respond to either of their remarks - instead you tried your best to light the cigarette in your mouth. Your hands were shaking violently though, and after several failed attempts Abigail helped you out, to which you shot her a wry smile as thanks.

The three of you sat down on the infamous ruby-red Times Square staircase, and looked out over the sea of people. Your eyes scanned every face that passed by, though you weren't sure what you were looking out for. You didn't know what Nora looked like, and if she was your mom... well that wouldn't be of much help either since you didn't remember what your mother looked like.

The minutes passed, and you must have gone through at least three or four cigarettes before you felt your phone buzz. You flinched at the sound, before wiping the sweat of your hands and picking up your phone.

"Hello?"

**"(Y/N)."**

The sound of Nora's voice made your head instinctively swivel around to try and find where she was at. It didn't take long before your eyes landed on a woman who was looking right at you from up ahead.  
She was tall and thin, almost to the point of looking starved. Her ash blonde hair was done in a neat side braid, and she was wearing a navy blue blazer with a matching pencil skirt, both of which seemed to have just been picked up from the dry-cleaner. Her face was narrow and defined, with high cheekbones and rosy lips. You studied her frame, feeling confusion bubble up inside you. This was certainly not what you had expected. As you eyes continued to skim her features, your gaze met hers. Her eyes was definitely her most striking feature. Almond shaped with a sky blue iris that seemed to pierce right through your very soul. Her gaze sent shivers down your spine, and you felt how your mouth began to dry up. You had almsot forgotten that April and Abigail was right beside you, and it was only when Abi grabbed your hand that you came to your senses.  
You brought your phone back up to your ear, thinking that Nora would say something, but you saw how she put her phone back in the handbag she was carrying, and began to move toward you with graceful steps. The time it took for her to make her way over to you seemed like an eternity, and when she finally stopped, April and Abigail had to help you get to your feet.

There was a moment of silence, but it didn't take long before Nora spoke up;

"It's so good to see you (Y/N). I see you brought some friends along. That's... fine I suppose. I suspected you might do that, though I did hope that we would get some time for ourselves."

It took some time for you to respond, but when you did, all that escaped you was one question;

"Are... are you my mother?"

Your question seemed to have caught everyone off-guard, even Nora. It didn't take long for her to compose herself though, and her face displayed a crooked smile.

"How about we go for a walk?"

You clenched your fists, hesitant to agree. You shot April and Abi a gaze, and they each gave you a subtle nod as to let you know that they would give you and Nora space, but walk closely behind.

With sluggish movements you began to move forward, much to Nora's delight, and she strolled up beside you. As if she knew that you weren't going to initiate a conversation, she began to speak;

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions, obviously. You've already asked one after all."

"Yeah and I want the answer." You said with a cold and curt tone to your voice. Nora smirked at your demand, as if she found your frustration amusing.

"I thought the answer would be obvious by now, but seeing as you need me to spell it out for you; yes. I am your mother."

You felt your heart drop to your knees. You knew what the answer would be, and yet it still shocked you. You had to try your hardest to not stop dead in your tracks.

"Why now? Why... why would you do this? Threatening me and my friends... do you want to reconnect that badly?"

Nora hummed in thought, as if to ponder over the question before settling on an answer.

"There's no point in trying to regain something that was never there in the first place." 

"So why-"

"It doesn't mean that I won't try to create something that can be preserved."

You pursed your lips. Something about this seemed off.

"How do you know so much about me? You and dad took off. There's no way you could have known where I went after I ran away from the orphanage."

The woman beside you glanced at you breifly before letting her eyes look forward again.

"We deluded ourselves into thinking we could escape the authorities. Your father and I got separated after our court hearing as we both went to jail for what we had done to you, as well as everything else." Nora began, bringing out her own pack of cigarettes and lighting one up. "We both had to go to rehab while we were locked up. After I got clean I divorced your dad and went back to New York to find you. I wanted to make amends, and maybe get custody over you again. However I soon found out that you had been sent into the fostercare system."

There was a short silence as the blonde caught her breath.

"They wouldn't let me see you, they wouldn't let me know what school you went too... Luckily for me I had some friends who were looking to adopt, and even if they didn't adopt you, they could still get ahold of your records. So they did, but not before you ran away. It took some time to find you again, but after checking out what the orphanage had marked as your regular spots aside from school, I found you. However... I realized that if I approached you only bad things would come of it. I had finally gotten a job, I was on the verge back to a normal life, but I was a also under probation."

Your eyebrows knitted together, as you started to put one and two together.

"If they found out that you were stalking me you would have gone back to jail."

"I wasn't _stalking_ you." Nora hissed, her eyes narrowing at you. You scoffed, not buying her attempt at seeming like a caring mother.

"Right, whatever you say. So the cops would take you in if they found out."

Nora's eyes were still narrowed in defense, but she nodded in confirmation.

"As long as you were under the age of eighteen I couldn't approach you. So I waited, but I also realized that you would never willingly meet with me. However, over the years I have advanced in the ranks of the company I'm working at, and because of that I now have some very interesting contacts. Without them I would never have found out about those friends of yours."

You stopped walking. Her... contacts? Nobody in the public knew about the turtle's existence, aside from the city's police department, but they were on the guy's side. So who...

"...what company do you work for?"

Nora had now stopped walking as well, and turned around slowly to look at you.

"TCRI."


	24. Snake

Your mouth went dry. Nora worked for TCRI? Did she know Baxter Stockman? The Footclan? As if she could read your mind, Nora let out a low chuckle, and put out her cigarette under her black high heels.

"I'm sure the pieces are conntecting now. You're such a smart girl (Y/N)."

You furrowed your brows in worry. She had used the Foot to get to you? Again, the words that came out of Nora's mouth seemed to be an answer to what you were asking yourself.

"Of course, that little run-in my assoicates had with your friends was a pure coincidence."

"But... how did you get to know about it?"

"So many questions..." Nora muttered rolling her eyes. "But I suppose there isn't any harm in telling you. It's not like you'll be able to do anything about it anyway... I'm in charge of the Foot Clan. Temporarily of course."

You felt how your heart went from beating so fast it hurt to coming to a complete stop. This woman, Nora... your mother... She was in charge of the Foot? It didn't make any sense. How? Why?

" _You're_ in charge?" You questioned, your eyes narrowing at the woman. She shrugged, a smug smirk playing on her lips, as if she wanted to convey mock innocence. She pulled out another cigarette, lit it and took a deep breath before letting the smoke escape her mouth as she answered your question;

"Well I'm not _fully_ in charge. It's sort of a shared position with doctor Stockman and Karai. I believe you know who they are? We've become quite the little trio. Very helpful people I must say."

"H-how-"

"How did I get to know them? How did I end up in this position? How did an ex drug addict manage to work herself to the top of an esteemed company and infamous crime organization? It's very simple (Y/N). Despite what you may think, it's not money that speaks to these people — it's brains. And I got it. Plus doctor Stockman seems to have a hard time saying no to a pretty face."

Nora's thin face cracked up into a smile. No, not a smile. A _sneer_. This fucking bitch-

"So- so what you're going to use my friends against me to fulfill your sick need to redeem yourself? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" You barked, taking a threatening step forward towards Nora, ready to give her a knuckle-sandwich. Fortunately for her, April grabbed your arm to prevent you from hurting her, and pulled you back to her and Abigail, both of which you had forgotten were there. Nora's face had lost the sneer, and she was now stonefaced, one eyebrow arched and her gaze stern.

"Hmm... not the kind of reunion I would have hoped for... but again there wasn't really any other way it could have turned out." The woman mumbled, seemingly to herself before looking down at her wristwatch. "Oh my, look at the time. I should get going. I'll call you again though, so don't you worry about that."

You clenched your jaw in raw anger, watching the woman give you a wave and that smug smile before calling over a cab and driving off. It was only now when she was gone that you felt all your emotions come crashing down on you. Immediately you started to cry, and both April and Abigail helped you remain on your feet as your knees started to buckle under you.

After a moment of you just sobbing into your hands, April spoke up;

"I think we need to get you back to the lair."

"Wait no wherever (Y/N) goes I go!" Abi protested, her grip on you tightening protectively. April pursed her mouth, and shot you glance. You took a deep breath, trying to collect yourself, and turned to face Abigail.

"Abi please, it would be safer for you if-"

"No! I'm tired of this! I'm tired of vague descriptions and conversations! I'm tired of not seeing you! (Y/N) please I just... I've been so worried these past two weeks... I think I deserve an explanation."

"Abi-"

"Please. I want to... I _need_ to be a part of this. Whatever _this_ is. I'm tired of being left in the dark."

You sighed, wiping the final tears off of your face.

"Alright. But I need you to promise to not tell anyone about what you're about to see."

Abigail furrowed her brows, clearly confused, but nodded.

"I promise I won't tell anyone."

***

"I need to tell everyone."

"Abi!"

"I'm sorry I'm just- wow..."

The black haired girl stared in awe at the brothers, in turn making them look at you and April, clearly questioning your decision to bring Abigail back to the lair. It went over surprisingly well considering that she passed out the first time she saw them. Still, to say that any of them were thrilled would be a flat out lie. Well, maybe with the exception of Mikey.

"(Y/N) what-"

"I'm sorry Leo, I really am but I couldn't hide it from her anymore. It was only a matter of time. Besides... we got bigger issues."

"What do you mean?"

"I- Uhm... well... I just- ugh..." You rubbed your face in frustration, and April ran her hand soothingly over your back.

"It's okay (Y/N)."

You gave her a short nod, and collected yourself, meeting Leo's gaze.

"I... met with my mother today."

That certainly caught everyone off guard, but you decided to ignore it and continued;

"That's not the most important part though... she knows about you. About everything. She..."

You couldn't even say it. What were they going to think of you if you told them that this woman worked for the Foot Clan. That she, to an extent, was in charge? You couldn't do it.

Slowly but surely you felt how a lump formed in your throat, and tears started to run down your cheeks once again, and it didn't take long before you started to sob. Violently. You crouched down on the floor, feeling your whole body tingle. Like when your leg falls asleep. Despite the horrible feeling, which was most likely a panic attack, you spoke in between your sobs.

"She- she... she's-"

"(Y/N) it's okay take it slow... take deep breaths." April instructed, both her and Abigail crouching down to support you. You took a deep breath, and revealed what you had learned;

"She works for TCRI. For Baxter Stockman. She's basically in charge of the Foot Clan. She's threatening to hurt you if I don't try to reconnect with her."

You couldn't look at the brothers while you said it. You didn't dare to look them in the eyes. Would they hate you now?

"Jesus Christ..." Leo muttered, putting a hand to his forehead. You shut your eyes, trying to choke the sobs that were making your body shake so violently. Any minute now they would throw you out. Denounce your friendship.

"(Y/N)."

Here it comes.

"I'm sorry."

Wait what. You eyes shot open and you cocked your head up to look at Leo. His eyes were filled to the brim with remorse, and he knelt down before you, placing his hands on your cheeks, wiping away your tears. He didn't say anything else, neither did the others. After a short moment of silence, Leo let his arms move down, and he pulled you into an embrace.


	25. His Lips On Mine

To say that this day had been eventful was an understatement, and after some explanation on your part, you and the others settled down in the living room with some pizza and a movie before going to sleep. Because you were worried about Abigail, you had insisted that she stayed the night, to which she had agreed. You suspected it was because she wanted to get to know more about the turtles and your relationship with them — however that plan quickly disappeared after you went to get Abi some spare clothes to sleep in. She immediately decked out on the couch, and everyone else followed suit. You were the only one who didn't. Logic told you that you should be exhausted. That you should have been the one to fall asleep before anyone else. But you couldn't, no matter how much you tried. You'd even tried some of Leo's relaxation exercises, but even those didn't help.

You kept shifting in your spot, hoping that you eventually would drift off. After trying for what seemed like an eternity, you looked up at Leo, who's back was turned to you.

"...Leo?" You whispered. "Leo?"

No response. Sitting up, you went over to his bedside, and shook him slightly. He stirred a bit in his spot, but he didn't wake up. Letting out a sigh, you stood up and quietly made your way out of his room.

The lair was dark and quiet, with the exception of Abigail's quiet snoring. The plan was to go get a midnight snack. Food sometimes helped you fall asleep, however when you heard a noise coming from the dojo, you made your way over there instead. Peeking around the corner to see what was going on, you saw a recognizable silhouette doing push-ups in the dark.

"Hey Raph." You whispered, stepping inside the room. The red clad turtle looked up at you, and stopped what he was doing.

"Oh, hey." He retorted, and you eyed him up and down.

"I'm guessing you can't sleep either."

"Yeah." He said as he stood up. "Are you okay?"

You pursed your mouth and shrugged. You honestly weren't sure. So much had happened that you had barely had time to process it.

"I suppose I'm having a hard time winding down." You admitted, and Raph hummed.

"Ya wanna have a midnight training session? Ya can put yer' skills to the test." He suggested, walking over to a bench and picking up the bandages. You couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh as you answered him;

"What do you mean? Like... me sparring against you?"

"Yeah." He said, motioning for you to hold out your hands so he could help you with the bandages. Despite you having been training with Raphael for two weeks, you still needed his help to put those damn things on correctly. Not that you minded.

"Alright then. Bring it on." You said, a slight shakiness to your tone. A low chuckle escaped Raph as he tightened the bandages, and you felt a tingle go down your spine.

"I won't go easy on ya'." He warned, his hand still holding yours. Taking a step forward, the gap between you and him closing, you responded;

"I don't expect you to."

There was a lingering on his part before suddenly his grip on your hand loosened, and he stepped back, holding his hands in front of him defensively. You did the same, until it was like a silent signal went off and the two of you began to throw punches and kicks at each other. Swiftly you blocked his attempts at sweeping you off your feet, and after a minute or two, you managed to get a hit in. Raph stumbled back a bit, closing in on the wall behind him, clearly taken aback.

"Nice job."

"I learned from the best. Guess I've become pretty good huh?" You mused, more or less skipping towards him and trying to get another hit in while he was distracted. Unfortunately for you, he was more aware than he seemed, and in less than ten seconds he managed to grab both of your wrists in one of his hands, spin you around and trap you between him and the wall.

"Not good enough." He taunted, slowly letting your wrists go, however not moving from his spot in front of you.

Your heart was beating rapidly, only picking up its pace when your gaze met his. Your eyes moved down to the floor, and up again, observing Raph's face. The scar on his lips, his green eyes which seemed to light up in the dark. It didn't take long before Raph let out an amused huff, a smirk decorating his lips.

"I thought we talked about staring."

Without letting as much as a single thought cross your mind, your hands reached up to his face and brought his head down to yours. In an instant his lips were on yours. Soft and coarse at the same time, the feeling almost making you feel intoxicated. The moment seemed to last a lifetime, as you felt Raphael's arms snake around your body and pull you in closer. It was only when you broke apart to catch your breath that realization hit you, and you pulled away, stumbling into the wall behind you.

"I- I'm sorry I don't know what happened!" You sputtered, closing your eyes to avoid meeting Raph's gaze. All you wanted to do was run away, but you couldn't. It was like your feet were nailed to the floor, your whole body tensing up from the anxiety you felt. Why did you do that?

After a quick moment of collecting yourself, you ran past him without warning, not even looking at him. You didn't get far however, as you felt Raphael grab your wrist. Not forcefully at all, just lightly. You knew that if you wanted for him to let you go he would. But, you didn't.

"(Y/N)."

You didn't answer. You didn't dare to look at him. He didn't seem to mind though, all he did was remove his hand from your wrist to instead have it grab your hand. You turned your head just an inch, so that you saw Raphael in your peripheral vision. His facial expression was a conflicting mix of uncertainty and determination.

"(Y/N) why are you trying to run away?"

It took a moment for you to answer, because you really had to think about your answer, and when you finally opened your mouth nothing coherent escaped.

"I- I don't know. I don't know Raph I can't... I don't..."

"(Y/N) why are you running from this?" The red clad turtle asked again. This time you couldn't muster a verbal response. All you could do was sigh.

Silence filled the room, and slowly but surely you felt your hand slip out of Raph's grip. The action left you feeling empty, though you weren't sure why.

"Is it because... I'm... like this?"

His question shot straight through your chest like a bullet. You didn't need for him to specify what he meant, because you knew.

Crossing your arms, you reluctantly turned around and looked up at him from under your lashes.

"No Raph I... I kissed you, didn't I?" You mumbled, your tone unsure. He went quiet at your question, which sounded more like a statement. Not entirely sure what to do, you reached out and placed a careful hand on his arm. "I just... I need to figure out for myself what... _this_ is. What it means. For me."

Raphael seemed to grow confused at this, and met your gaze with a look that you could only describe as hurt. You doubted that there was anything you could say that would take away the crushing feeling of what he believes is rejection, but dammit you were going to try.

"I don't want you to think that I don't feel anything for you. I do. I just... I need to understand my own feelings completely. I can't pretend that there isn't something that's holding me back."

"Is it Leo?"

To say that the question caught you off-guard was an understatement, and all you could do was blink at him. He raised an eyebrow as if to say 'well?'

"I- I'm not sure... just... for now, can we please pretend that this didn't happen? I know that's not fair of me to ask, but I feel like there are other things I need to figure out first."

It was clear that your answer wasn't a satisfying one, but it was the best you could manage for the moment. With your hand still resting against Raph's arm, you gripped it tighter and pulled him closer to you, resting your forehead against his chest. At first you thought he'd push you away, or something to that effect, but all he did was wrap his free arm around you. His hand was firmly placed on your back, and you could feel how he was resisting the urge to wrap both his arms around you and hug you. After about a minute of complete silence, you felt how he bowed his head down and mumbled against your hair;

"Alright."


End file.
